Deep Thoughts, by Heidi Mingo

I’m currently reading two books, at the same time. This is not normally something I do. It isn’t because I can’t, I can totally keep two plots separate, it is because one is too deep so I need the other for some occasional fluff.

So I guess I’ll start by thanking Amy. I first met Amy out in Idaho. I like to introduce her to people as “the girl who once made me think I was going to get arrested in the back of a pickup truck.” Jenn has been doing odd jobs at Amy’s family’s house this Summer for some extra income. Amy sent home with Jenn a copy of Tori Spelling’s book sTORI Telling. At the time I was out of books to read, having finished two new vampire dramas and a book about kids with wings, so I picked up the book and read it. In 4 hours. It isn’t by any means a moving autobiography, but it was a great read. Quite entertaining and slightly eye opening.

So when Jenn took me to the bookstore the other day (to celebrate the unemployment extension going through) I saw Tori’s second book Mommywood in the discount bin. Picked it up right away. I also picked up Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

When we got home I picked up Eat Pray Love first. I figured with all of the vampire/werewolf/kids with wings books I had been reading, I should start with the more thought provoking book I had purchased. Yes, I realize that I am way behind the times and that every single book club in America has already devoted many a night to reading and discussing this book. It is even a motion picture now. But it just arrived in the discount bin ya’ll. I made it through about 8 beads/tales/chapters, and had to put it down. I was crying on the inside. Gilbert had already said so many things that had hit home and made me pause to think about me, who I am, who I was, and who I REALLY want to be.

Now I’m not typically a mainstream reader. Yes, I adore Harry Potter, Twilight and the Southern Vampire Series (and now add in the kids with wings series), but I always put off reading them because I didn’t want to become another number in the herd of cattle. Same with books like Eat Pray Love (such as all The Girl With______books, and anything Oprah tells us to read, although I have read Anna Karenina) But I didn’t start reading any of these books until years after everyone was done talking about them. I joined all the bandwagons late so to say.

Now I totally wish I would have read Eat Pray Love while everyone else had. I kinda want to talk about it. But it is going to take me forever to read it. I read a few beads/tales/chapters and then I go back to Mommywood. It is just too much to take in all at once. In fact, before I really talk to anyone about it I want to finish it not once, but twice. I plan on going back with a highlighter and making and taking notes to the lines that scream out to me the loudest.

I’ve been telling Jenn I want a meditation corner since we moved. I have a feeling that Eat Pray Love is going to actually make that happen.

(and I still have the song from the title of my last post stuck in my head, I think it is going to drive Jenn insane here shortly)

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She’s Lump She’s Lump She’s in My Head

I’m one of those people who tries hard not to dwell on things, but it doesn’t work. For example…here is my rug:

It isn’t perfect. It has a few bumps because the dog likes to run and skid on it, and the cat likes to hide all my her ponytail holders underneath it. But as for a quick glance, you wouldn’t normally notice those little bumps.

But, my rug now looks like this:

I’ve been shoving lots and lots of stuff under there, and I think it is about to hit critical mass. The silliest things set me off. Someone will say something completely harmless and in my head I go into meltdown mode. I can turn “Hi, How are you” into “Heidi, you are a tool, I don’t know why I bother with you, you are so useless.”

And heaven forbid if someone brings up a subject that I am not yet ready to talk about. I am not ready to go there yet. Yes, I have found a small corner of my rug that someone smeared some hope on:

But that is one small piece of a very large rug. A very large part of my rug has really decided that my job when I grow up is to hoard pets.

Anywho. I’m working on the lumps. I’ve resolved the big lump and told myself that there is nothing I can do about it. I have no reason to be angry, as anger changes nothing. I have mourned. I have given instructions to the only other people who I believe can do anything about it, and I have faith that the eight of them will take care of everything. I mean add the ninth in and you’ve got a softball team, right?!?!

So I am turning my focus to one lump a day. Today was big lump. I had a good cry, gave the instructions, and have moved on. Tomorrow I shall tackle another lump.

(In case you don’t listen to odd music like me, here is where the title of this post comes from)

An Open Letter

Dear Manufacturers of Baby Products,

Namely Pampers, Gerber and Enfamil.

I am not now nor have I ever been in my 36th week of pregnancy. You can stop sending me weekly updates of how my pregnancy is progressing.

Thank you,
Heidi

Mingo Monday 7/20/10

Yes, I promised to go dig through my basement to find a really cool mingo on Saturday night but I got distracted by:

  • An imaginary spider that was going to eat me alive
  • Discovery Health Channel and many many shows about babies
  • Blue Crush
  • P.S. I Love You
  • Two Weeks Notice
  • Taking the dog for a walk and tripping in the “woods” (If a fat girl falls in the forest and no one is there to see it do the trees still laugh?)
  • Scanning Facebook every thirty seconds to see if anyone on Jenn & Lyz’s softball team had updated anything.
  • And much more.

Anywho, back to mingos. When I went to take the dog for a walk very late at night I threw on my new mingo shirt:
flamingo shirt
It is so very cute!! But there is one small problem. And I was going to have Jenn take a picture of me in the shirt, but I became slightly embarrassed. I have talked about my really big boobs before right? Um, yeah. It seems that those mingo necks were designed to totally wrap themselves around my boobs. Making them mingo highlighters of sorts!!!

Doesn’t really matter. I still really love the shirt and will wear it. I mean, what could me tackier than a flamingo shirt that highlights your boobies??

How I’m Feeling

In bullet formation:

  • Lost.  Lyz is hurting so bad over Baylee leaving and I have no idea how to help her.  Her and Jenn left this morning for a tournament in Maryland and Jenn said her number one goal is to make sure Lyz has a blast.  Number two goal may be to get Lyz really drunk.  Maybe.
  • Sad.  Baylee going to heaven makes me fear what will happen when Minne goes to heaven.  She is no young pup.  She turned 13 in June.  She’s is quite close to blind, and has much difficulty going up and down the stairs.  But she is still happy and wags her tail and eats like a horse.  A few years ago Minne got sick and I remember thinking “As long as we have a baby before Minne goes, we’ll be alright.”  Not looking like that is going to happen.
  • Angry.  And what I’m angry about is unbloggable, not even in a password protected blog, that is just how bad it is.
  • Confused.  How can unbloggable not be a word?
  • Cranky.  I’ve been at work for 7 hours and still have 4-5 hours to go.  Silly people choosing to get married when my boss is out of town!!  How dare they?
  • Slightly lonely.  While I’m complaining above about being stuck at work, I don’t really want to go home.  There is no Jenn there.  In the 13+ years we have lived together we have spent less that 7 nights apart.  No me no like.
  • Happy.  Because Jenn got to go away and do something for herself that she enjoys!!  She has spent all of her free time planning this down to the last itty bitty detail and driving her teammates nuts!!  She may have even sent them an email reminding them to pack socks.  I ❤ my little ocd’er.

Anywho.  That’s where I’ve been and where I’m at.  Until I can cool down a little from the anger part, I’ve been away from the blog.  I plan on heading home tonight and finding a cool flamingo in the basement so at least I’ll have a mingo monday post!!

xxoo

P.S.  I’m thinking about Estee and her family, maybe you could send some good thoughts her way too?  Her Nan (Grandmother) is not doing very well, and they believe she will be heading for heaven soon.  Estee and I grew up together (aka, I used to babysit her and her siblings) and our mothers are best friends.  She was one of the very first people to ever start following my blog.  I even wrote about her once upon a time!

Baylee Rain

Dearest Baylee,

From the moment I met your daddy I knew that he wanted you. He always talked about wanting a Rottweiler. When I got to meet you I was so happy for him! Your mommy told me all about how when they brought you home you fit into her hand. Now you are a big, strong, beautiful dog who loves her family more than anything.
Baylee's Party 7/12/10
We celebrated your birthday yesterday. You are now 7 years old!! We even made sure you had your own cake, and you quite obviously enjoyed it!


Us humans shared a cake with you also.

The rest of the even was spent snuggling with you, petting you, and telling you over and over again how much you are loved. Even through all of your pain you jumped up to make sure that Jenn wasn’t hurting Avery while they were play fighting.

I’ve loved every minute of knowing you. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful companion to CLAD. They all love you so much. You are going to be so missed. I’m going to miss your big butt when you aren’t there to sit on my. I’ll miss sharing my dinner with you under the table. I’m even going to miss all of your fur all over me.

Please know that letting you go was not an easy decision for your mommy and daddy. They are in so much pain having to let you go, but know that your pain is greater.

See how much they love you:
Baylee's Party 7/12/10

We miss you. We all love you. Rest peacefully Baylee.
Baylee's Party 7/12/10

Mingo Monday 7/12/10

A girl can dream can’t she?

You may have seen this picture before. It was taken by my friend Jenn (not to be confused with my wife Jenn) while we were in Florida. You know, when the huge blizzard came through and shut everything down?

I share it with you today because I am dreaming of winter. I am so tired of eighty-seven 90+ degree days in a row. I have gone and melted. I find myself yet again wishing that you could literally sweat your ass off.

Oh flamingos in winter, how I envy you.
Flamingos in winter