Happy Birthday!!

I’m throwing myself a party in my head. There are lots of bacon dresses all around.

What did I get myself for my birthday?

Harry Potter 7 Part One tickets of course!!

I was born at 11:52am. If given the option I can sleep until 11:52am. Jenn experimented with this theory once. It works.

I was late. I can’t remember my due date and it is too late to call my mom…I’m going to go with September 18.

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to Mrs. Spit!!

My CLAD+J comes home today, we shall be Shady Mapleing tonight. Yum!!

xxoo

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I’m a loser baby…

Remember way back when…I said I wanted to do something by myself, have it be my thing?? I chose to be on my local chapter of Share’s Walk to Remember board.

The Walk is tomorrow. I’m not going. My excuse is work, which is quite true. We have 100 Sukkot rooms arriving. I know if I mentioned the Walk to Rodney, he would find a way for me to go.

I don’t want to go alone. Jenn is working, Lyz is still in Florida. I have two friends going, both of which I know would hold me up, but for one this is her first Walk since she lost her son, and the others son just had surgery and I don’t want to burden either of them.

They are going to light Blue’s candle when his name is called for me. His name will be on the t-shirt, and our message to him will be in the program. The important things are taken care of.

I went to almost all of the meetings, except for one when we were at the Dinosaur show and the ones they had on Saturday mornings. I did what I wanted to do, I worked for the Walk. I worked for something important. But like most of the things in my life, I am failing to see it through to the end. I shall add the Walk to the pile of unfinished crocheting and knitting, quilting and cross-stitching. I will add it to the pile that holds my huge scrapbooking collection that has gone untouched since Blue left.

We were at Petsmart this afternoon with Muffin and a woman asked Jenn about her Blue tattoo. For the first time it wasn’t excruciating pain that I felt, but pride. Pride that I could tell someone about him. Pride that he exists and that others know about him. Pride that we are his mothers.

It’s my birthday and I’ll wear a bacon dress if I want to.

My birthday is on Monday. I’m not all that interested in it this year. It doesn’t fall on a good day. Jenn has been trying to organize a party for me at the end of October, but I don’t want it anymore. I have other things going on in my head (they will be revealed, no worries) and just don’t have the interest that I did a few months ago. (Namely, if I can’t have the pink limo, it just isn’t any fun lol.)

It also isn’t falling on a good day because of the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. The holiday is actually happening now, but all the kids have off of school next week, so they are all converging on Lancaster. We field about 200 phone calls a day. And these are the most demanding people in the world. I used to give the Most Obnoxious Guest award to the bridge players…nope, this group makes them look lame. They aren’t exactly rude or mean, just very demanding and don’t understand why I can’t give them everything they want. I try, trust me. It is a million times easier to just give them what they want then explain that they can’t have it. I am not withholding 17 connecting rooms from them because I don’t like them or want to piss them off.

The phone call that prompted the bacon dress:
Mr. Man calls and books my last suite. I spend 27 minutes on the phone with him answering all of his questions on our Sukkah’s dimenions, kosher continental breakfast, how far we are from Amusement Park (next door, across the street?, no next door, right next door? yes, right next door, how long will it take me to walk there? a moment since we are right next door.)

Mr. Man calls and cancels the suite.

Mrs. Woman calls and books my last suite. I spend 37 minutes on the phone with her answering all of her questions.

Mr. Man calls and wants to rebook the suite. Does not understand why it is not longer available. Tells me I should have known that he really did want it.

By now I am 13 minutes late to punch out. We are big on punching out on time right now. I may have slammed down the phone (after booking Mr. Man into 3 rooms that are next to each other but do not connect, no I am not going to build connecting rooms for you.) And I may have yelled “I am so rubbing all of The Hotel’s door handles with bacon.”

That may have progressed to hmmmmmm, maybe Lady Gaga will let me borrow her meat dress.

Which totally progressed to “It’s my birthday and I’ll wear a bacon dress if I want to!!”

(for the record, I would never be so rude. I even wear my long hair up in respect to them and their we don’t look at women’s hairness.)

Tidbits

Ready?

Freebies/Mail:

I spend about an hour each day combing the internet for various freebies via mail. I lots of fun doing it. I’ve had some pretty awesome things show up in my mailbox from clothes to food, beer mugs, coffee thermos’s, make up and lots and lots of toothpaste.

My mailman is starting to get a little ticked off. Mail is shoved in our box all bent up and folded. Oh well.
Here is what an average day of mail looks like:

On very special days something wonderful like this may arrive:

MMmmmmm cookies from Mrs. Fields!!

Food:

I have been craving Eggs Benedict. We don’t normally get the chance to go out to breakfast and very few places offer it as a dinner option. So, I made it myself:

And it was very very good.

My CLAD:

Friday I sat at work all day bouncing in my chair waiting to hear (I guess read via text would be more appropriate?) the wonderful words “We’re Home!” It seemed to take forever! When my dearest CLAD finally made it home we flew over to their house to smoosh them and go out to eat with them. If you are thinking Jeeze Heidi, it isn’t like you won’t see them again and again over the next few days, well no, no I won’t. I had less than 48 hours of CLAD. I had to get my fix.
Pictures from dinner:

Scary Stuff:

Saturday night we went to Field of Screams with Chris and Lyz, and met up with Duck, Dawn and Dawn’s parents. Another wonderful freebie that I get from The Hotel. We had a yummy dinner, killer brownies and screamed and laughed a lot. I wish I would have thought to count how many times Dawn screamed “Dammit! Don’t touch me!” During the hayride I asked Lyz if she needed her hay changed. Lyz seemed to think that if she didn’t make eye contact with any of the cast members that they wouldn’t bother her. Unfortunately, Chris was pointing her out to the cast members. I haven’t heard Jenn’s real giddy laugh in awhile (when there wasn’t alcohol involved.) It was a blast!
Invitation (complete with instructions on how to warm the blood to 98.6 degrees!):

Yummy Brownies:

The CLAD’s new addition:

When we left CLAD’s house Saturday night we brought home a visitor. Meet Muffin.

Okay, so her name isn’t Muffin. But that is what I call her, so she will henceforth be known as Muffin on the blog. Her real name is Rylee. She is 4 pounds of pure energy and she is staying with us while CLAD+J is in Florida (visiting Harry Potter, aren’t you jealous!! I am. Jenn finds the most inopportune times to find a job doesn’t she??) Muffin runs around the house non-stop until about 9:30 at night when she simply flomps out. You can’t move her. She won’t wake up or acknowledge you or anything. The first night I was certain she was dead. I thought that I must have dropped medication on the floor and she must have found it and eaten it because the flomp was astounding.

When Muffin is awake, she likes Jenn best. When she is tired or sleeping, she likes me best. Her favorite places to be on me?
My chest:

Or sleeping on my fat roll:

She chews on everything in sight. If she is on the bed, where her bed is, she gets so happy with herself to drag something into her bed to chew. The remote, my phone, my hand, a random box, or her favorite: Stealing Minne’s toy:

Behold the awesome power of the flomp:

You would think I was wearing Hagrid’s coat.

I got to work this morning and looked down at my navy blue shirt under the floresant lights. My first thought was to open up a tab and blog about it. It would have gone something like this:

Dear Minne:

I love you tons and tons. And when I leave for work each morning and give you a pet and a kiss and tell you that I will be home to you soon moo-moo I promise that I miss you tons when I walk out the door.

I appreciate your need to ease my pain, I really do. But if you could possibly not send me to work with four dogs worth of white hair all over my dark navy blue shirt, I would be ever so grateful. I do have a picture of you on my desk, and that is good enough for me.

Love, Mommy

I never got a chance to write the post as I have been very busy at work today. Although you there is no evidence to prove it as my piles are higher than ever. And getting higher. And deeper. Yet I am still sitting here writing this now.

Why? Because I was just walking across the lobby and noticed that I had an itchy on my back. I reached up the back of my shirt and felt something odd. **TMI** I am wearing underwear today that has a waistband made of lace. My first thought was that it was the lace from my underwear (note the lack of the “P” word here?). But…it is all bunched up. I know I haven’t lost enough weight to make my underwear’s waistband bunch up that much.

As I’m feeling it I start to realize that it is not attached to my underwear. Holy heck! Has my lace waistband just pulled off of my underwear?????

Nope.

Even more interesting…we use liquid fabric softener.

Needless to say I will not be shocked if a mouse comes running out of my crops pocket.

Back to work I go!!

Opps I did it again…

(I can totally still do the dance moves from this video.)

I had this past Sunday off. A treat for me. It is strange, Sunday is both my favorite day to work at the desk at The Hotel and my least favorite. It is a fast day, and I’m rarely there past 1pm, so it perfectly fine with me working. But I love having Sunday’s off because they can be the best of lazy days.

Jenn worked from 5am to 1:30pm. I was ever so rudely awoken at 4:15am to her shaking me. “Honey…Honey…I dropped my phone in the toilet.” I told her it was fine, and could hear the fear in her voice as she panicked that I was going to rip her to shreds.

When I woke up for real I headed over to our cell provider’s website and found that Jenn had owned her phone long enough that she was due for an upgrade, so a new phone is going to cost us nothing.

But that will not stop me from teasing her about it. We have each had our own cell phone for eight years now. (We shared a crappy Tracphone before that, in the days of dialup internet and busy signals.) In the eight years, I have owned 3 phones (this does not count the great Lotus debacle of 2009, because that was not my fault). Jenn has had 11. Of the 11, 5 have died of the same death. Honey I dropped my phone in the toilet.

I was considering dropping mine in the toilet so I can get a new one, but my cell service provider does not currently have any cute pink phones, so I will stick with this one!

Drumroll please………….

I have answers. But first I must say in my pouty whiny voice while stomping my foot (people who know me in real life are so nodding their heads that they know exactly what sounds/posture I am making)

YOU ARE ALL WRONG.

Question #1:

Please pretend you are in your car. You are waiting to pull out of your favorite store’s parking lot. Traffic is impossible. You wait ever so patiently for a brief pause in the traffic so that you can pull out. Finally someone slows and waves you out in front of them. Please act out what you do.

The Correct Answer:

You hold your hand open, palm towards the driver and close your hand one finger at a time, starting with your pointer finger, in a fan lick motion. If my camera had a battery I would totally be recording the proper way to teach you all for future reference. While you are doing the hand motion, in a sweet and somewhat squeeky voice you will say “Thank you!”

The only other correct way is to do thank you in sign language.

The INcorrect Answer (also known as the way everyone else in the free world does it):

A quick one hand salute while mouthing or saying thank you in a normal voice.

Question #2:

Please pretend you are playing pretend with a young child. Young child is hosting a party and hands you a piece of cake. It is your favorite kind of cake. Please act out eating the cake.

The Correct Answer:

You politely take the pretend piece of cake from your hostess and while holding the plate with the cake on in on your left hand, use your fork to feed yourself cake polite bite by polite bite. Don’t forget the pretend napkin on your lap to wipe the corners of your mouth with upon occasion.

The INcorrect Answer (also known as the way everyone else in the free world does it):

Eat it like its a cupcake.

The above has been brought to you by the fact that certain people in my life find it fun to make fun of me for doing things the CORRECT way. So what if when I sign “thank you” to people may make them think that I am blowing them a kiss?? So what if I dirty the pretend plate and fork???

Right?

(I know at least Mrs. Spit will agree with me. A lady always eats her cake with a plate and fork. Right?)