Nerves

Tomorrow. Beta #3. Sooo worried. 95% of me wants to just assume all is well. I mean there has been no spotting, my boobs are becoming increasingly sore, I’m as tired as can be, and the gagging sessions each night entertain Jenn so much. So all seems well.

Then there is that other 5% of me that says “What makes you think that all could possibly be well?” I’ve become attached to my cramps. I remember having the same feeling early on with Blue. But, when I’m feeling crampy I’m convinced something is wrong. Now this morning, I haven’t felt a bit crampy, nothing, nada, so I’m convinced something is wrong. Everything else is the same.

So I sit here. Still. Focusing. Is that a crampy twinge I feel??? Nope, I have to pee. See another sign that all is well…why must I always focus on the one thing that will freak me out??

I’ll be out and about most of tomorrow, so I’ll update as soon as we get home. If it’s good news maybe I’ll update it on Twitter (down there on the lower right…where I tend to talk about cows as of late). If it’s bad news….you’ll just have to wait till I blog it! But, I’m 95% thinking good, just have to keep that 5% of me quiet.

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Conversations I never thought I’d have…

I’m not a fan of cows. When I was somewhere between 12 and 14 I was out walking our dog and walked past a field of cows (in Northern Michigan, there are no fields of cows around Detroit). One of the cows started following us. In my overimaginative head I decided this cow was mad at me for eating its cousin. I therefore became a “vegetarian”. I mean that in the loosest way possible. I honestly think it lasted two days. But my fear of cows has lasted much, much longer.

Now I live in Amish Country. I pass at a minimum 47 fields of cows every day on my way home from work. I have learned a lot about these cows. As the following conversation will show you.

Me: 82% of cows in this field are laying down.
Jenn: That other 18% must be from New Jersey.
Me: Oh, only 10% of this field of cows are laying down.
Jenn: Those New Jersey cows must be on special this year.
Me: 0% of the baby cows in this field are laying down, in fact they are frolicking.
Jenn: Well, they are veal, let them frolic as they will, their life is short.

I have been trying to prove the theory that cows lay down before it rains wrong. I must say that most often, cows laying down are right. That first field of cows was just really ahead of the game as it didn’t start raining until eight hours after I saw them!

ps-5weeks0days

Fruit of my womb

he he he Get it?? Yep, I’m such a dork 🙂

So…Blueberry was a fruit name, and we shall continue on the tradition.

Yes, many people have been told that this baby’s nickname is Kumquat, I apologize for the lie, we changed our minds. Jenn always giggles when she hears the word Kumquat, me too to be honest. I didn’t want to lose that giggle ever, and if we say Kumquat over and over again I worry that it would start to become a normal word, and I wouldn’t hear that giggle when Jenn heard Kumquat. So…we have passed up Kumquat.

After much deliberation last night, the baby shall be named………

Honeydew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the hope starts creeping in…

So after a phone call with Jenn yesterday afternoon in which I freaked and screamed and cried…I was sent to the grocery store to pick up more sticks. Jenn’s theory–If they are darker…we can totally celebrate a little, if they are lighter, than we can prepare ourselves for the worst.

I peed.

I looked down.

The second little line popped up.

Holy crap. It’s darker. And we’re not talking just one shade darker than Tuesday mornings stick, we are talking double the darkness.

This morning, peed again. Again, twice as dark as the previous stick.

I’m feeling a little more confident. And maybe, a bit excited??

Post # 100.

Technically I am pregnant. I’m not too optimistic though. Here’s the story:

  • Friday PM-Faint positive on a dollar store test
  • Saturday AM-Negative dollar store test
  • Saturday Afternoon-Faint positive on a dollar store test
  • Saturday Evening-Negative on a First Response Test
  • Sunday Morning-Faint positive on the First Response Test
  • Sunday Afternoon-Slightly darker positive on the First Response Test
  • Sunday Early Evening-Slightly darker positive on the First Response Test
  • Sunday Night-Slightly fainter positive on the First Response Test
  • Monday Morning-Slightly fainter positive on the First Response Test
  • Monday Evening-Slightly fainter positive on the First Response Test
  • Tuesday Morning-Slightly fainter positive on the First Response Test
  • Tuesday Morning Beta-58–Progesterone over 20

I am worried that this is a chemical pregnancy. For those unaware of what that is, it means the egg fertilized, but did not implant into my uterus.

I am trying to be cautiously optimistic. Anyone have any stories to share with similar happenings??

I’m assuming it’s over.

No line this morning on a pregnancy test, and a huge temp drop. I’m considering us down for the count. I’m only saying this now, because this is post #99 and I don’t want my 100th post to be about a big fat negative.

We cried for a bit this morning and then went to work. See what happens when you let yourself get your hopes up?

And because I always have to find the silver lining…by my calculations our next IUI will be on Jenn’s birthday. The IUI we got pregnant with Blue was on my birthday…so maybe this is a reallllly good omen 🙂