A Farewell Letter to 2011

Dear 2011,

I’m sorry.  I know I spent the first few months of you cursing you out and calling you every bad name I could think of.  I owe you a sincere apology for that.  For the most part, you were a fantastic year.  I see that now.  I see the wonderful plans you had in mind for me.

I do curse you for taking Delmar from our lives.  Chris needed his Dad.  Lyz needed her father-in-law.  Avery and Delaney needed their Boppy.  The drama that you have left behind for taking him from our lives will take years to work through.  I hope you have something wonderful planned for the years to come to perk us all up.

I cursed you in the beginning of the year for taking SWMNBN from me.  But it is all so clear now.  Thank you for removing her from my life.  I see what happiness is now.  I see what it means to be loved, to feel loved.  I do not regret the years that I had with her, but I see now that there is something better, something more for me out there.  The last few years were spent with a woman who had no motivation, no heart.  She has that now, and I have more people than I can count who give me love and support, more than she was ever capable of giving.  All is for the best, I’m sorry I doubted you.

Just the same, I am excited to say goodbye to you tonight.  I will be in surrounded by the 5 people who have held me afloat this year, while you taught me your lesson.  There will be bonus people too.  Crush will be there.  She is the one you brought me to make these last few weeks so enjoyable!!

At midnight tonight, two little girls will kiss me while we bang pots and pans.  For that I am more thankful than anything else.  I am thankful that you have made them an even more important part of my life.

So, goodbye, 2011.  I look forward to welcoming your replacement with open arms.  I cannot wait to learn what new lessons I will be taught, what new people you will bring into my life, and, who I get to keep 🙂

Love,

Heidi

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Opps, I lied.

So I got home from work yesterday laughing because Lyz had posted her comment as I was driving home from work.  So I peeked into the kitchen to see her chosen outfit while I approved her comment to post on the blog.  She looked quite cute in her pj couture!!  I then headed up to my bedroom to clean it (total wreck, have been many places lately that have required me to try on mulitple outfits and leave them all over my floor.)  I wasn’t up there for five minutes before the girls came to help me.  Once they properly unfolded all of the clothes on my bed, they settled in to watch tv while I refolded.  Then they started a hanger war.  I swear these two little munchins just totally make my day every single day.

(No, I did not blur their faces on purpose, they just weren’t sitting still at all!!)  You see, they were fighting over the hangers that I was using to hang clothes back up.  When I had used most of the hangers I had pulled out, they got sad, so I simply pulled every single unused hanger out of my closet and they went to town!!

Then, once all of the clothes were back in the closet, and I was put back on the naughty list for not allowing Delaney to jump out my bedroom window, I started the pull all of the clothes back out chore again over what to wear to see Crush.  The girls were bored of this adventure quickly, so I had to text downstairs to Lyz for her opinion, then when I picked an outfit run downstairs for final approval!!  Chris was able to help too by picking out a nail polish color!

When Crush came (I totally had her real name typed out here…I kept K’s name a secret forever, but almost blew Crush’s in three days!!) I ran out to the car to meet her.  We just went to dinner, for a short drive (over a covered bridge, she was so cute!  She had never done that before), and then went back to CLAD’s.  We were a little early so we sat in her car talking.  At one point I started laughing because the porch light was going on and off…I felt like my dad was inside trying to give me hints.  Instead I got a text “Are you here?  If u aren’t here there is a strange car out front with people using cell phones in it”.  Crush and I are both on the shy side, so as a joke I was texting her…it is sometimes much easier to say something via text!!

Then I got a text that one of Lyz’s friends had texted her asking who Crush was.  Lyz pointed her out on Facebook.  The friend responded two minutes later that Crush is much hotter than Jenn.  I happen to totally agree.  (I just realized that Lyz said she was going to text the friend later with her opinion…I never did get updated on what that opinion was…must investigate.)

So…I took Crush (really hard to write Crush instead of _ _ _ _.  Should’ve just gone with her first initial lol) inside to meet Chris and Lyz.  Before I had left, they had been coming up with ways in which they were going to embarrass me when I came inside.  I was quite happy to see they didn’t use any of their plans.  Lyz hopped right up to come over and meet Crush, and Chris followed behind.  I introduced them, well, Chris introduced himself, and then we started talking.

I think it went well.  Lyz and I were our typical chatty selves.  We can have 45 conversations in less than a minute, so I hope poor Crush was able to keep up.  We stood in the kitchen chatting for about an hour and a half.  Well, Chris sat in the living room watching sports, while Lyz, Crush and I were in the kitchen.  Chris came out to get a beer at one point and reminded Crush she could sit down.  This came up later because Chris felt that she didn’t like us because she wouldn’t sit down in his house lol.  He said the next time she comes over she is to sit!

After we were done chatting I walked her back out to her car and of course instantly asked “Well, did you like my family?”  She does.  After all, they are pretty damn awesome.  I think if someone likes me, they have to like Lyz, we are so much alike!!  We chatted a little longer and then she had to leave.

I came back inside ans asked the opposite question…so????  Did you like her?????  They did.   (Well, except for Chris and that whole sitting down thing, I have warned her of this for the future!)  We do have plans to have her over again very soon…and the girls will be meeting her then too.  So, in a nutshell, yes, Chris and Lyz must like her!  I’m excited for the girls to meet her.  She has a nephew just a few weeks younger than Delaney, and is constantly sharing funny stories of him, so I know she gets along well with children.  Is it strange that I’m more worried about Avery and Delaney’s opinions than I was of Lyz and Chris?  I know Lyz and Chris will like anyone, just to see me happy…the girls will simply be honest with their opinions.  But then, if their love of my little brother shows anything, they will like anyone who I tell them I like!!

This is so fun.  So beyond fun.  And she is just awesome.  And it is strange to me to know she could be reading this right now.  If you are reading this Crush, I guess I’ve totally given away who that girl I have a crush on is.  Opps!!

When I went to bed last night I had posted a status update on Facebook so Elissa texted me asking if I was still awake and how my might went…my response?  “It was wonderful!  Perfect.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.”  I think that about sums this all up. 🙂 🙂 🙂

If I had remembered to steal the photos from Chris’s camera…

This would be a post full of pictures from Christmas.  But I didn’t take the pictures off, AND I’m still not sure that I will be posting any pictures of the girls on here anymore anyways. But I have a couple of days to think that over.  SWMNBN has emailed me stating she will not check the blog anymore, but we all know how good she is with promises (vows, sending ashes, being a good human being, etc.)

Oh, in the same email she asked if we would stop referring to her new girlfriend as Pug.  I am going to need some suggestions for a new nickname for her.  Sadly, my favorite, EHB, has already been taken, so I’m going to need something similar.

My Christmas weekend was amazing.  Three days of nothing but CLAD.  We went to church and went to visit family.  I got to help play Santa and get all of the presents set out.  Lyz and I stayed up extra late on Christmas Eve chatting and being so excited for Christmas morning!!  And then there was Christmas morning…so full of love.  But I’m going to save the Christmas morning story for when I have have the pictures.

Tonight is going to be a new experience.  I’m a little nervous.I get to hang out with Crush tonight.  We’re going to go out to dinner and then come back to CLAD’s after 8:30pm so that she can meet Chris and Lyz.  I know, I heard you all just think it…wait…didn’t it take Heidi months and months to introduce K to them?  Yes, that is totally true.  Goes to show you either how little I liked K, or how big of a crush I have on Crush.  Or maybe it is the fact that Lyz is literally begging to meet Crush.  Like, every night for the last week she has told me to text her and invite her over.  I mean heck, Lyz and Crush are already friends on Facebook!!  (And yes, Chris, Facebook is real life.)  I swear to you, even if a relationship never progresses between Crush and I…this girl is a part of my life from here on out.  We just get along so well.

So that was my weekend in a quick nutshell.  Tonight I will steal the photos from Chris’s camera and tomorrow I will post more in depth thoughts about Christmas.  You’ll have to wait til Thursday to see how the great CL + Crush meetup went!!

(PS-I may be a little bit excited about seeing my crush tonight.)

 

A Slight Retraction, and other comments

After I hit publish on yesterday’s post, I felt a spot of guilt.  I hit edit so that I could change one small sentence, and the screen went blank.  The internet at The Hotel had gone down.  I spent some time getting it back up, I read my book (Hey Lyz–I finally finished!!!) and just went on with my day.  Forgetting that I wanted to change that sentence.

Well, now it has been too long to just go back and edit, so I will just post a retraction.  Jenn is not forgettable.  Who would ever be able to forget 15 years of their life?  Not me.  I should have worded it different.  Jenn herself is not forgettable, the majority of the 15 years we had together were not forgettable.  The pain she had caused, that is forgettable.  It simply isn’t worth my time.

On a slightly related note, as I was driving to work this morning, it hit me that it has been over 24 hours since we’ve heard from Jenn.  The very first time I went 24 hours without hearing from her was miserable.  I remember Chris telling me if I would just stop talking to her it would get easier.  So I decided to listen to him.  I was sitting in front of The Hotel, my phone in one hand (a xanax in the other),  Danielle sitting next to me, as I watched the minutes pass so that 24 hours would be done.  When the hour clicked over…I stopped breathing.  Danielle took my phone, traded it for a bottle of water and told me to swallow the pill.  I went on with my evening.  It hurt like hell.  Then of course at some point we spoke again and I would have to start my 24 hours all over again.  But, Chris was right, it got easier the longer I went without talking to her.

My how things have changed.  I don’t feel a smidgen of regret for not talking to her for the last 24 hours.  Do I still wish she hadn’t completely walked out of our lives, yes.  We all could have been great friends.  Well, maybe not.  New Jenn really isn’t my type of friend.  My honest first reaction when we heard from her the other day was “Well, at least I know she is alive and happy!!”  Chris may have laughed at me for that.

Speaking of Chris…I need to publicly thank him.  I thank Lyz all the time.  But Chris has been just as wonderful and supportive and such a rock (As well as an awesome landlord!).  While the blog drama was going on the other day, we were standing in the kitchen chatting.  He was giving me a little pep talk.  He looked at me and said “You are so much better without her.  Better off, and better as a person.”  You’re right, Chris.  You’ve been right about everything this entire time.  Thank you.

 

And my dear darling readers, thank you.  Thank you for being here when I’m happy or sad or causing all sorts of drama.  You are awesome people.  A couple of bloggers and I have been contemplating a get together next Spring or Summer……..you should all come!!!

 

A bunch of stuff…

This post got a little long, so if you don’t want to read, but want to know what is going on…Included in this post:
*K breakup news
*My reaction to the drama that played out here yesterday
*The possible deletion of the blog
*Why my reaction this time was so much easier going than the last time Jenn butted her nose into our lives.

It has been an interesting few weeks in my life. As I mentioned the other day, K and I are no more. It is a long drawn out story that I honestly don’t feel like getting in to at the moment. I’m perfectly fine with it, it was my choice. I feel bad,honestly I do, but for once, I actually put of myself first.  In my past relationship I decided that the other person was more important than me, and we all see how that ended!!

Now, if you don’t spend your entire life staring at my blog and stalking it, you may not know that some pretty entertaining drama went on here yesterday. While I was sitting at karate, I got bored of hitting “Approve” for each new comment that came in, so I made the whole post disappear. I hope everyone got their feelings out, sometimes you need that release!!

As for my opinion on the whole situation, I live with Lyz. I’m pretty sure one of us would have noticed if the other was in the hospital for a few days to have surgery. Allegedly, Lyz (and possibly I?? I’m not sure, it wasn’t all that clear and I really wasn’t paying attention for a bit) had weight loss surgery in August. I can post a bunch of pictures of Lyz playing softball in August. Pretty sure she wouldn’t have been doing that after just having major surgery. I also eat dinner in that house most nights. Lyz and I did go to the information meeting in January, and did go to a few support groups here and there, so we know what the diet of a post-surgery patient involves. Trust me when I tell you that our diet does not follow that of someone who has had weight loss surgery. While our diet is full of healthy foods, we have cut out the vast majority of fats, there are lots of items in our diet that is not weight loss surgery approved. We eat lots of brown rice (huge weight loss surgery no-no) and for extra calories when we haven’t ingested enough on a given day, we drink a glass of wine (another HUGE weight loss surgery no-no). I will happily take pictures of my belly and show off the fact that the only set of scars I have are the scars from my gallbladder surgery.

As far as some of the other things that Jenn wrote, I don’t have much to say. She said that none of us have hearts and we don’t know how to forgive. I wrote her a facebook message that very night telling her I forgive her. I’ve honestly never been all that angry with her. People stare at me blankly when I tell them that. (Hurt yes, angry, not really.) On the top shelf of my bookcase is a stack of plates that TattooJen told me to buy, so that when the anger finally hit, I had something available to smash. They are still there, still whole. I still am not angry. She doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that none of us are angry at her, really I’m the only one that ever thinks of her. Kinda hard not to think of someone when you spent 15 years with them! No one gets angry until she pulls nonsense like she did yesterday. And really, the only thing that made me angry yesterday was making two of my best friends look bad. I texted Elissa when I got that comment, so I looked like a fool to her for ever believing she would say such things. She made Lyz’s weight loss look trivial. Now, do not get me wrong, nothing wrong with weight loss surgery, it just wasn’t for us.

As far as the fact that she is still reading, sadly, that might make for the end of my blog. I may just make any post including the girls password protected, but I have a feeling Jenn would just try to hack those. Sigh. I don’t know what to do. She simply has to go and ruin everything.

Which brings me around to my next point. It is almost like Jenn has an alarm system. It seems every time her (or her girlfriend/fiance, whatever) resurface into our lives, I am at a super high point, and so they feel the need to try and bring me down. Right now, I am at the highest point I have ever been. I have been in full force smile for days. People at work keep laughing at me because I’m just grinning like a fool!! I met someone. We are going to call her Crush for now. This is a little different than with K (well, obviously!) because K didn’t care for the internet. Or Facebook. Crush and I are friends on Facebook. Crush has already visited the blog. (It was quite cute…she would send me little random statements like “I once burned bread in the microwave”.) She even now refers to Chris, Lyz, Avery and Delaney as CLAD.

Crush is amazing, in every single way. We have only met face to face once. It was awkward at first, both of us being quite shy, but still, it was so wonderful. We have been talking for a week or so via text. Last Saturday, while Chris and Lyz were at an overnight softball tournament, Crush and I were talking at 2am while I was wrapping presents. I texted Lyz “If you were home I would so be jumping up and down on your bed right now. I am in serious like with this girl” Lyz said it gave her goosebumps.

My goosebump moment had happened the second day we spoke. Do you all know what the most important part of Harry Potter is to me? For a reminder, you can read this post. The short version:

“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.

What drew me to Crush (I met her on an online dating site!) was two things.  Ok, fine, it was the fact that she is totally hot.  Like, wow hot.  Like, I stared at her picture for 15 minutes she was so hot.  I honestly didn’t think I would be able to send her a message she was that hot.  I believe her to be totally out of my league, but she doesn’t seem to think so!

Wait… back to the reasons I actually contacted her….  First, she had a picture of her with her sister and her nephew.  Family first right?  Big issue between K and I.  Second, she mentioned in her bio that she was a Harry Potter fan.  So when we were talking one day I asked her who her favorite HP character was.  Hermione and Dobby…yours?  I hesitated for a moment, then wrote back: Snape, ALWAYS.  When she responded, talking to me about how powerful that moment was, how it really was  one of the most important moments in the book, my entire body turned into one big goosebump.  She got it.  She understood.  We went on to share opinions of other parts of the books, and almost always, our opinions matched.

We spent those first few days just asking each other questions, which after being answered were reanswered with a OMG! ME TOO!!!  I have stayed up until a minimum of 2am every night since Saturday chatting with her.  She is so easy to talk to.  When we met face to face we were both stealing glances at each other, and then would realize the other person was looking and glance away.    We both really want to build a friendship before we take the step to a relationship.  We both think family is more important than anything else.  Her nephew will come first, my nieces will come first.  We both have the same thoughts on so many things, yet when our opinions differ, we take the time to listen to the others thoughts, rather than just pushing them aside and believing our thought is the only way to think.

Crush is amazing.  I believe 100% that Crush is the reason I didn’t crawl into bed yesterday and hide when Jenn flipped out.  Jenn just may get her wish.  I may never mention her name on the blog again, because right now, she seems so completely forgettable.