How Heidi Spent her Friday

I had another one of my favorite days yesterday.  It is amazing how many favorite days I have.  My life is so full of light and love!!

First, I had spent the night at K’s so we went for breakfast before she went to work.

When I got home, the house was empty.  I texted Lyz to find out where they were and then went and found them.  We went to a hair salon, then lunch and then to the local HUGE pet store, where I made an impromptu purchase.  Meet Brock Ferdinand Fish (BFF for short):

Avery helped me pick him out.  When we got him home she kept referring to him as “our” fish.  Um, he’s mine.  He will sleep in my room with me silly.  Then she started trying to name him.  I said “his name is Ferdinand” She argued “No, his name is Brock.”  We took the argument downstairs and without saying who liked who name, asked Lyz, Chris and Delaney their opinion.  Delaney-Brock.  Chris-Brock.  Lyz-“the sad thing is that I can’t figure out which the 5 year old choose and which the 33 year old choose.”  So, Brock won.  But I still got to give him his middle name at least.

After that we were all just hanging around watching Chris clean the big fish tank.  I had not been looking forward to Halloween this year, so I decided to jump in full force.  **Do you play on Pinterest??  I absolutely love that site and have been spending way too much time there.*  Avery and I picked out a craft and then ran to the craft store to get the supplies that we would need.  Here is our final creations:

Mine:

Delaney’s and Lyz’s with Delaney’s help:

Avery’s:

You can see on the left of Avery’s pumpkin is a Frankenstein, then it says Boooo Ohhhh and Ahhhh and below that her name.  Not to mention the awesome glittered spiders.

We had a blast making these pumpkins, and have a huge list of other crafts that we want to make before the season.  There will also be a special guest making an apperance in the house during the month of October!!  Stay tuned.

As for another sneak peek…stay tuned next week for a huge post about me!!  here is a quick sneak peek:

(those of you who follow me on facebook, do not give away what the above REALLY EDITED picture is of!!)

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Random Hotel Thoughts

  • If you call and ask me directions but have no idea where you are, I am not going to be able to help you.
  • If I ask you how many people you will have in your room, “I need two beds” is not a correct response.
  • If I ask you how many children you have and “Some” or “I don’t know” is your answer, you may have too many children.
  • If you are carrying a large cooler down the stairs and stumble, therefore spilling ice EVERYWHERE, I reserve the right to laugh at you.
  • If you leave a cooler full of alcohol at the front desk, I will not be held responsible for how many bottles are missing when you come to pick it up.
  • The above rule applies to chocolate from Hershey or Wilbur’s as well.
  • If you have decided to come to The Hotel and stay for a month rather than send your kids to summer camp, please be advised that this is not a summer camp and you are still responsible for your children.
  • I’m glad you were able to run into someone you haven’t seen in two years here at the hotel by accident.  Please reserve your screaming and yelling for outside of the lobby.  It echos.  We have headaches.
  • If I explained to you 13 times exactly what is included in your package, you should understand.  When you check-in, don’t try to tell me that “Heidi said it includes x”.  Sorry Charlie, I’m Heidi and I told you no such thing.
  • I’m sorry that there is a massive downpour outside right now.  I didn’t order it to ruin your vacation, please don’t raise your voice at me.
  • When you call to reserve a suite, I do not need to know the exact reason.  I don’t care about your twin sons and why they need their privacy.
  • If you did not tell the person who took your reservation that you wanted to be near your friends, how in the hell do you expect me to know?  I’m not psychic.
  • Apparently I forgot to take my cranky pants off the other day.  Every.Little.Thing. is annoying me.

How to survive a cheating spouse-Music Edition

Other than my precious CLAD+J the number one thing that got me through Jenn cheating on me and leaving me for the other woman was music.  In all honesty, I could not have asked for a better set of music to be playing through those first few months.

      • First and Foremost-Adele.  While I don’t wish a bad breakup on anyone, I am so thankful that she went through a bad breakup so that she could write everything I was feeling into wonderful songs.  My two favorites are Someone Like You (sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead) and Rumour Has It (she made your heart melt but you’re cold to the core).  I’m going to throw in her version of Make You Feel My Love (you ain’t seen nothing like me yet) as another favorite.  I’m sure you all know her most for her hit song Rolling in the Deep (Don’t underestimate the things that I will do).
      • Another group sings a song called Rolling in the Deep, but that wasn’t their song that helped keep me afloat.  Linkin Park came out with a song called Waiting for the End (waiting for the end to come, wishing I had the strength to stand, this is not what I had planned, it’s out of my control).  Now, this isn’t the most uplifting of songs, but the words so very much spoke to me.  No, the screamed to me.  “I know what it takes to move on.  I know how it feels to lie.  All I wanna do is trade this life for something new, holding on to what I haven’t got”.
      • F**k You, aka Forget You-Um, hello!!  Perfectest song ever!!!  “Allthough there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a Forget you!!”
      • Bruno Mars-Grenade.  “Tell the devil I say hey when you get back to where you’re from.”  “Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash.”  Yup, good song.
      • Christina Perri-Jar of Hearts.  Awesome song.  One of those songs where I could post every single lyric and they would all apply 100%.  Some Highlights:  “I learned to live half a life”  “You’re gonna catch a cold from the ice down in your soul”  “It took so long just to feel alright, remember how to put back the light in my eyes.  I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed, cause you broke all your promises.”

Really I could keep continuing on.  But I have a moral to this story.  There was also one song that absolutely sent me into a downward spiral every single time it came on the radio.  Avery loved the song too, so I would dry heave quietly while it played.  I would dig my fingernails into my palms and pray that no one would notice the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Wednesday afternoon I heard the dj announce that song would be playing next.  I didn’t change the channel.  I wanted to see just how far I have come.  The song played.  My stomach didn’t flipflop.  There were no tears.  As a matter of fact, I sung along to the song, word for word.  I have come so far.  I am amazed.

On Being an Aunt

I have a favorite aunt, her name is Kari.  Of all my aunts she is the closest in age to me, and the one I have spent the most time with, but it isn’t just because of that, that she is my favorite.  Kari is a rockin aunt.  It is her that I aim to be like when it comes to my nieces.  She is the cool aunt.  Sure, we had our ups and downs including her getting the cool Cabbage Patch Kid with red hair while I got one with brown hair.  But for the most part we were inseparable.  I even lived with her for awhile when I came back from college.

So now I strive to be like her.  I plan fun activities for my nieces.  I go out of the way to make sure they feel 100% loved by their live-in aunt.  I do not want to take the place of their real aunts, but since I live with them I get to spread my love all over them almost every day.

For example…as I kissed them goodbye on my way out the door this morning Delaney begged to be taken to work with me.  I held her in my arms and explained that today would be a no fun day to go to work with Na.  I told her that someday I would make sure she could come to work with me.  She liked this answer and gave me my goodbye kissey, all wet and sloppy right on the mouth.

For example…yesterday, we went to Shady Maple for breakfast.  Glossing over the fact that she pulled my skirt off so that all of the people dining had their breakfast ruined by my naked hiney, I held Delaney, even in a public restroom while she went to the bathroom.  A few hours later while shopping I had to take her and Avery to the bathroom with me.  “Na poop” she asked?  Yes.  I hold you.  And she wrapped her arms around me.

For example…Avery had spent Saturday and Sunday night at her Aunt Danyelle’s house.  While I was thrilled for her, it made me miss her to pieces on Monday morning.  I was glad to get some one on one time with Delaney on Monday, but it was odd not having both girls all to myself.

For example…love.  I love them.  I make sure to tell them at least 87 million times a day how much I love them.  I give them hugs, or pick them up off the floor just to squeeze them and shower their faces with kisseys.

For example…Ring-o Flamingo.  While I love this game for the simple fact that it has flamingos on it, I would not have bought it if I didn’t think the girls would have a blast playing it.  When Delaney finally scored her first point after hours and hours of playing we all cheered!!  I hope they have this memory of me forever.

Even if we were to grow apart in years to come, I hope that when they have nieces of their own they can look back on their time with Na and smile.  I hope that I can be the aunt that they want to model themselves after.

The Wall Came Down

hehehe  I’m liking the metaphors today.  Yesterday, I burned a bridge.  There is no way in hell Jenn will ever want to be friends with me after what I wrote yesterday.  Now I’m going to discuss tearing down a wall I had built!!

I met K first in February.  (Well, I’ve known her for like 12 years, but saw her for the first time in February).  It took me until the middle of April to see her again.  From that point on I see her a minimum of once a week.  I am constantly on the phone with her either talking or texting.  A few weeks ago I changed my relationship status on Facebook to “In A Relationship”.

Lyz made a comment. K asked when she was going to meet CL (we are all holding off on her meeting AD)

A few weeks ago, after the 3rd time I panicked right before getting on the turnpike because I had no cash on me, I signed up for EZPass.

Lyz made a statement.  K stated she really wanted to meet the people that I talk non-stop about.

Last week, Lyz and I were laying on her bed chatting and I was texting K.  Lyz told me to text K and tell her that it isn’t Lyz dragging her feet about meeting K.

The next night K brought up meeting Lyz again.

I told them both that for each time they brought it up I was going to make them wait another week.

Tuesday K and I were talking about when we could get together.  She has been off from work this week due to an injury so we came to the conclusion that we both had Thursday night free.  She said she would come here.

I realized this would be a great way to finally introduce Lyz and K.  Chris would be working, no big deal.  K was afraid to meet Chris anyway.  Worried he was going to give her the “If you hurt my friend” speech.  This is so not Chris’s style.  He is more of the style to give you a speech after you’ve hurt me.  For example telling someone that “When you cheat, you are supposed to cheat up, you failed.”  I would be able to introduce Lyz and K when K dropped me off after our date.  That way the girls would be in bed.

So, I decided in my head that K and Lyz would meet.

Wednesday I worried in my head that they wouldn’t like each other.  I spent all day worrying in my head, then I decided to let it go.  I moved on to worrying about what the heck I was going to wear.  I mean, this was like a real live date!!

I laughed Thursday afternoon, when K texted me panicking about what she was going to wear.  I posted that on facebook and instantly Lyz replied “Crap i didnt even think of that…. Hmm what should I wear???”

So…K picked me up.  I took her up to show her my room.  Halfway up the stairs I remembered that I had spent some time Wednesday afternoon reorganizing things, so my room was slightly trashed.  Oh-well!!  After the tour we went out to dinner and had a great time chatting.  It is so comfortable spending time with her.   I really do enjoy it.  We had planned on seeing a movie, but it got to be a little late, and I had to make sure we had time for K and Lyz to meet!  So we headed to the outlet malls to do some shopping.  She is so much fun to shop with!!  She loves to watch me try on clothes, she loves to look at kitchen gadgets with me, and she doesn’t get grumpy when we’ve been shopping for more than 17 minutes!!!

Then it was time to head home.  We thought about stopping at Sonic to bring Lyz home a treat, but I know her nutritionist would hunt me down and shoot me, so we decided not to.  As we turned the corner I texted Lyz to say we were there, and check that the girls were asleep.  I told K hey look!!  Joni is still here, you can meet her….um…that isn’t Joni’s car.

Nope.  There in the driveway was the police cruiser.  Chris was home for lunch.  K looked over at me with a slightly pale look.  I laughed and reminded her that there is nothing to worry about.  Chris isn’t really Mr. Socialite, he won’t really say more than Hi and nice to meet you.  He is also eating dinner, so really, relax!!!

I walked up to the door, and for some reason, I knocked.  I know, I’m a dork.  Lyz cracked the door and then chased Riley-Muffin back into the kitchen.  K and I followed.  Then it happened.  I introduced K to Lyz, Lyz to K.  Then Lyz said “This is Chris”.  He looked up from his sandwich and waved and then stood up (All 6’4″ of him in full uniform complete with taser, asp and gun) and shook K’s hand.  He said nice to finally meet you, and then went back to his dinner.

Us three girls chatted for a bit in the kitchen and then moved out onto the deck.  We chatted for about 2 hours.  It was nice.  It was more than nice.  It was wonderful.  Every so often K would reach over and rub my arm or my back, or hold my hand for a minute, just to make sure that I was calm.  It reassured me that she liked my Lyz.  Once or twice I caught Lyz’s eye and I could tell she had her real smile on, she wasn’t just being nice.

When I walked K out to her car I grabbed her face and said well???????  K said “How can I not like her…you two were totally cut from the same mold.  You are the same person!!”  I laughed and said “So, don’t you pity poor Chris for having to live with two of me?”

I ran upstairs and hopped into bed with Lyz.   Well??????  “Why did you think I wouldn’t like her??  I think she’s great!”  I let out air that I didn’t know I had been holding inside of me.  I sat with Lyz chatting for awhile when we looked at the clock.  Somehow it had become 12:30 in the morning!  I kissed her goodnight and headed over to my room.  I laid in bed until almost 2am just smiling.

My dear darling readers.  I love my life.  And after Thursday night, I can see that it is only going to get better from here!!!!

 

A very edited post (aka I am petty and it makes me laugh.)

Let me start by saying that I know that the following is stupid and childish.  I fully admit it.  But I very rarely say anything about my ex here.  I am still not angry at Jenn, I never have been.  I’m hurt that she likes to demand respect from me when she doesn’t even respect me enough to contact me herself, but sends her NewGF to do it.  What typically happens is that several things happen, and I put them in one of my boxes.  Sooner or later that box gets full and I make one or two little comments about the ex here.   Box is empty and we lather, rinse, repeat. That happened the other night and I made two comments that appeared in yesterday’s post.  It would normally be a few weeks before I felt the need to say anything more about the ex.  Nope, that box got filled and filled real fast yesterday.  20 texts worth of fast.  So, it overflowed here.  My blog, I talk about what I want to talk about.  You don’t want to read, go away.  You don’t want to know what my blog says, tell your friends not to fill you in.  The end.

So…if you don’t want to read me being petty, click away.  If you do want to read me being petty, read on.  I had considered making this a private post, but I have nothing to hide.  Most of the people who know me in real life have all ready read what follows and have given me their blessing.

Wednesday night Lyz and I were sitting on the deck discussing how she was going to meet K the next night.  We were comparing things about K to things about Jenn.  Then we got to reminiscing about Jenn and the things we really miss about Jenn.  Lyz said she wanted to be able to tell Jenn what she misses.  None of us are mad at Jenn, I’ve told her that, but she never seems to believe me.  We all wish Jenn was still around to hang out with.  So I told Lyz that I would write a blog post all about Jenn and what we love about her so that Lyz could comment and share the things she personally misses and loves about Jenn.

While I was in the middle of writing this post (I’m writing this on Thursday afternoon) I began to get a barrage of texts from NewGF.  I’ve decided that sharing those texts trumps Lyz’s chance to talk about Jenn.  This is not the first time that NewGF has texted me on Jenn’s behalf.  If Jenn actually wants to say something to me, she is more than welcome to talk to me herself, but really, it shows me how Jenn really hasn’t changed that she has NewGF do everything for her.  As soon as I believed the texts to be finished I blocked NewGF’s phone number.  No more need to see her name showing up on my cell phone!!  The following are the texts.  I’ve included a few of my own comments in red.

Ok I have been asked by Jenn hey look, she spelled the name right! to relay a message.  She would do it herself, but she is frustrated and doesn’t want to fight with you and she is also at work.  Oh good, I’m glad she is working!!  I would like to start by saying that Jenn is happy an healthy.  Thank you, I honestly do wonder sometimes, I have been told by several people that she looks miserable in her facebook picture.  she has done her best to move on and is asking you to do the same.  She wants you to move on.  Um, I’ve beyond moved on, thanks for checking.  Have I mentioned my new girlfriend on the blog?  Her name is K and I am thankful everyday that Jenn left so that I have someone as wonderful as K in my life, and in my bed.  She very rarely speaks about you to me or anyone else for that matter and she is kindly asking you to do the same.  I am sure you are wondering where this is coming from, please let me explain. Nope, I saw the IP address show up this morning to check the blog, I don’t wonder at all. Together she and I made a pact that in order to make a clean break we would let go of our past and among other things that includes reading your blog, so we don’t.

However, we have two or three friends that still do and anytime you remotely speak about her they jump on the phone and let her know about it.  Maybe you should mention to your friends that you don’t want to know what is going on in the blog?    Today she got a text stating that she should check it out and she did.  She is concerned and has asked me to ask you to longer discuss anything that has to do with her on your blog.  She realizes that it is your place to write your feeling and she respects that but asks that you be respectful of her as well.  I have very little respect for Jenn at the moment, check with me again in a few days.  She doesn’t understand who or why a bill collector would be contacting your family over a debt that she may own unless it was something that the two of you did together.  While I did do a lot of Jenn’s schoolwork for her, I’m pretty sure her student loan debt does not fall under my responsibility at all.  Is Jenn interested in paying for some of mine?

She is asking that if anyone calls that you give them her work number or my cell number and ask that they no longer contact you. I have no idea where she works, and I’ve also stated that I will never contact her again, I have no need to.  I told her if she wanted to be friends she was more than welcome to contact me, if we aren’t friends I have no need to share any information with her. Her debt is a very personal matter and she doesn’t want, nor is it ok for you to share it with the world.  I’m not sharing it with the world, the debt collectors are!!  Or wait, are you saying that the whole world reads my blog!!  Wow, I had no idea!!  Go me!!  She is working very hard to clear up some of the debt that she has to improve her credit.  She doesn’t need it blasted all over the Internet.  If there are issues regarding debt then she needs to be made aware and you need to reach out to her via email Again, no reason for me to ever need to contact her again. not share it with the whole world.

In regards to your personal health she has asked me to let you know that she is happy your you apostrophe re getting yourself healthy Aww, Thanks!! but honestly has no idea what is going on with you and does not pretend to.  She isn’t talking about you in regards to anything to anyone.  I have proof otherwise, but that’s okay. If there are issues or concerns you may have, again please reach out to her and refrain from discussing them in your blog.  If they are untrue they can be considered slander and it’s uncalled for.  I have no worries about slander as I have never said an untrue thing about Jenn.  And, since I live with an officer of the law, I’ve got a pretty firm grasp on what is slander and what isn’t. Thanks.  You’re welcome!

The way Jenn initially broke up with me was to scream I’M DONE in my ear.  Well, my turn.

Dear Jenn,

I’m done.  Please leave me alone.  I don’t need your crap.  You sucked the life out of me for fifteen years.  I love my life right now!  I’m so thankful that you are out of it.  While I do miss things about you, I miss them as your friend.  I don’t miss them as your girlfriend, your wife and most certainly not as your lover as I’ve learned you have no idea what you are doing in bed.  At this point, since you had promised to be friends but yet again failed to come through, goodbye.  I do love you.  I have from the moment I met you, and I will until the day I die.  But, you’ve hurt me time and time again and I don’t need your poison in my life.  My life is full of positivity.  I love my life.  I’m thankful for all of the positive things you have given me, most importantly our son and CLAD.  But, I’ve had enough.  Unless you want to come back into my life as a friend, I’m done.  I’M DONE.  I owe you no respect at this time, as you have shown me none since my birthday almost a year ago.

Love, Heidi

(ps, I have lied a lot above, I will contact you one last time when our son’s birth certificate arrives to ask you where you want it forwarded to.)

Just to blog

I have been a bit quiet on here lately.  There are several reasons for that.  There is a lot going on, obviously.  I will say the biggest reason is that I have been forgetting to take my drugs so I have been slipping down that slope…I now get a text at 1pm every day from K reminding me to take my pill.

So…I’ve now got a lot to say.  You know what that means??  Yup, bullets.

  • Thank you Tara for loving my blog enough to ask me where blog posts have been and worrying that you just weren’t getting notification.
  • Today has been a very VERY good day.  (And no, I didn’t even take my drugs until just 20 minutes ago, so it had nothing to do with that.)  My morning started by going to the gym with CLAD.  I loved it.  I walked on the treadmill next to Lyz and I felt so much better than when I was at the gym a year ago.  I didn’t even come home with a raging headache!!!  I am crying while I type this because I am so proud of myself!!  I wore a t-shirt that I haven’t worn in forever and I felt like I was swimming in it.  Like it was so big that I felt awful and frumpy in it.  A good remind of how far I have come.
  • I have been meditating.  I used to do it, but, as most things I love, it was frowned upon.  Now I have it all set up on my ipod and flip it on every evening.  Depending on my mood I either sit on the floor with my candle lit in front of me, or I do it while lying in bed so that I can keep that peaceful frame of mind all night long.  Since I started meditating again I have only woken up in the middle of the night when I hear Delaney, no longer because of my own fears.
  • I found more bullcrap that my ex left me with.  I’ve taken all of the information to my lawyer and he is going to see what he can do to get me out of it.  On the same note, my family keeps getting bill collector calls looking for Jenn.  Not just my immediate family either.  Annoying.
  • Update on K.  She is as wonderful as ever.  I see her at least once a week and we are always texting or on the phone.  She is also still as patient as ever and told me a few weeks ago that she will not discuss me moving in with her until at least February of next year.
  • Tomorrow night K and I are going on a real date.  I don’t know why this feels like such a real date to me.  It may have something to do with the fact that she is picking me up from CLAD’s.  It may have something to do with the fact that we are going out to dinner and maybe a movie or putt-putt or some other date type activity.  But more importantly than that, when she drops me off, she is going to meet Lyz.  I really need to sit down and write an entire post about why I haven’t introduced K to any part of CLAD yet.  It scares me.  I still have those “I am cheating on my wife” feelings and it just feels so wrong introducing K to them.  Like I am introducing the other woman.
  • Avery told me last night that she wishes I was home every morning for breakfast.  I asked her why…because she knows that I love the corners of PopTarts and she wants to be able to share them with me each morning.
  • Lyz has started seeing a nutritionist and an exercise physiologist.  As I cannot afford such things I am just going to start cheating off of her notes.  I am so very excited!!  Although I have a hard time picturing Lyz any more beautiful than she already is.  (did you just hear that?  It was Lyz telling me to shut-up)
  • I would like to put it on the record that I have not had any type of weight loss surgery.  Apparently, someone (not naming names, but I’m sure you could figure out who) has been telling people that I had gastric bypass.  I have not.  This is not to say that I won’t ever.  I did look into it back in January, but due to my insurance lapping, I stopped.  Then I started losing the weight on my own.  Should I hit a plateau I will look into it again.  I still have a lot of weight to lose before I am no longer horribly obese!!
  • I say it a lot in the house, or in the car, and even here.  But I feel the need to say it again.  I am so thankful for my CLAD.  Everyday they fill my heart with love.  They do so many things, both big and small, to show me how much they love me.  I often get scared that they are going to get sick of having me around.  Just the other night while Lyz and I were laying in her bed she said “I don’t know that I will ever want you to move out” while we were discussing K…it feels so good to feel wanted.