Yesterday I spent the morning looking at wedding dresses.  Do not panic, I have no plans to get married quite yet.  I actually came to a very good decision.  I have decided that I am going to become a professional bride.  I loved planning my wedding and it was a really wonderful wedding.  But there were changes I would’ve made.  (#1 being spend more on flowers.)  And dress shopping!!!  I can think of few things more fun than dress shopping!!! (Especially since when I went funeral dress shopping I discovered that I am in yet another smaller size!!) So, I figure about every 2-3 years I will get a divorce, force some unsuspecting woman to fall in love with me, plan a wonderful wedding and then start all over again!!  Sounds delightful to me 🙂


Today I have a different daydream arranged.  The following is a text conversation:
Me: Why do we have jobs?

K: So we don’t get bored?

Me: Well that sucks, I’m bored at work!

K: So we can live indoors and eat?

Me: I want to go live in the woods and be 100% self sufficient.

K: Sounds good to me.  You garden, I’ll hunt.

Me: I will be raising chickens and cows for eggs and milk.  Oh, and sheep for wool.

K: Okay, but I get one cow, one pig and lots of chickens to eat each year right?

Me: Um, any animals you plan on eating you will be raising yourself.  Otherwise I will become attached and have to spend days in bed mourning their loss.

K: Alright, I will make you a feather bed.

Me: Out of my poor dead chickens or do I need to start raising geese too?

K: Which ever you prefer.

Me: Poor chickens.

K: Bawk.


So, I’m either going to be a superficial materialistic snob, or a dirty backwoods vegetarian!!


I really like short stories…and Delmar’s obituary

Hmmm…this short story post seems to have a novella in it, I apologize in advance for fooling you.

  • Friday.  Lyz sends out a facebook status that she needs someone to come get the girls.  I call and ask if she wants me right now.  Yes.  I fly to Delmar’s house.  I arrive.  Delmar’s best friend asks me why I don’t have my stethoscope on me.  I am confused.  I walk into the house and see it instantly in Lyz’s eyes.  Delmar has passed.  What happened to a year?  Six months? A month?  A week?  A few days?  Had I any idea it would be that day I would not have gone to work.  I never had my chance to say goodbye.  So I walked into the room with him, patted him on the thigh (inside joke), blew him a kiss and left the room.  I then scooped up Avery (who was a wreck and even refused Chuck E. Cheese’s) and Delaney and took them hom.
  • Still Friday.  Have you heard about the heat wave?  So I’m driving A&D home and…my car dies.  Hello 100+ temps!  I start calling people.  I don’t want to call Lyz, Chris or Joni.  Three men stop to offer us a ride, I couldn’t do it.  A woman stops and in my head I’m already to say yes because I am desperate when she says “Well Hi, Avery.” I’ve never pushed anyone into a car so fast in my life.  (Turns out my car computer system overheated and shut down because I was driving poor Emma Lee to hard in the heat on my rush to Delmar’s house.)
  • Family is awesome.  I watched as people gathered around Chris to hold him up.  I’ve known Chris since September of 1998.  I have always seen him be the pillar of strength.  He is always the one there to hold the rest of us up.  It broke my heart to see him needing to be the one we held up.
  • More family is awesome.  Shawn and Dave spent a good hour playing around with Emma Lee to see if they could find anything wrong with her.  They offered.  I didn’t have to ask, they would accept no money.  See, family is awesome.
  • I didn’t realize how much I would miss Delmar.
  • You have no idea how honored I am that I was able to be the one Lyz and Chris trusted with their daughters while they took care of Delmar.  No idea.
  • I have so much love for my darling CLAD.  I am often amazed by it.

Link to Delmar’s Obituary:

Obituary of Delmar L. Landis.

Rest In Peace

Yesterday, Friday, July 22, 2011, at 1:10pm, the world lost a wonderful man.  Delmar passed away with his family by his side, surrounded by love and support, knowing that he would be missed and that everyone was taken care of.

Delmar had a way of always making people smile with his out of the blue comments and amazing sense of humor.  I have watched him be a wonderful son, father, grandfather and husband.

Last night I heard the most amazing statement.  Avery and Delaney were putting on a dance performance for us all and Chris’s mom said “It isn’t fair that he won’t see this.” Lyz answered back “Or maybe he is seeing it all better than we can.”

Watch over us all Delmar.  You are so very missed, but we are all so thankful that you no longer feel pain.

“Do not pity the dead. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

We all love you so much, Delmar, and we feel your love still.

Last request

Delmar was brought home from the hospital last night.  He is home and under Hospice care.  This all happened so quickly.  Just the other day we were talking about six months to a year.  Yesterday it all changed.  I had asked Lyz if we were now talking weeks or months.  The text back said “Days”.  I gasped.  Chris had gone down Wednesday to spend to days with his father to sit with him during radiation, not to bring him home without the treatment.

I had just hung up the phone with Lyz after another update when Avery came over and sat on my lap.  After spending the whole day not saying one word to me about it (other than she wanted to color pictures for him) she looked at me and just started bawling.  I held her tight while she cried and we spent the rest of the evening all curled up together (with Delaney and Riley too) watching a movie.

So, I believe this will be the last time I ask for this.  If you could send prayers or thoughts of  peace and comfort to Delmar.  Maybe some strength peace and comfort for CLAD too?

Needed a Bump

Stole this from Come What May

A. Age
I am 33.  I considered staying here at 33 for a few years (I was 27 for quite a few years, to the point that it took me forever to figure out how old I actually was when I had to answer honestly), but I believe I will follow the rules and turn 34 in September.  34 is my favorite number after all.  I do believe I will be staying 34 for quite a bit though.
B. Bed Size
Full or Double.  I’m not sure which.
C. Chore you hate.
I do not like to vacuum.  At all.  Not one little bit.  No thank you.
D. Dogs.
I miss Minne.  I still don’t have the promised ashes.  Several people have told me to give up that dream.  I have been using a picture of her as my bookmark.  I am considering getting a puppy of my own, but I’m not sure I want to do that while still living with CLAD.
E. Essential start of day.
Swearing at my alarm clock.
F. Favorite color.
Hmmm, that is a tough one.  Oh, wait…PINK!!!
G. Gold or silver.
I will be difficult here and say White Gold.
H. Height.
I am 5’8.5″.  I enjoy being tall, except for the fact that I cannot find a partner taller than me, quite annoying.
I. Instruments played.
Piano.  I played the coronet in elementary, we didn’t get along well.  It had a lot to do with the spit valve.
J. Job title.
Director of Sales/Sales Manager/Rodney’s Slave
K. Kids.
L. Live.
I live in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.  I have been thinking about moving to Montana.
M. Mom’s name.
N. Nickname.
O. Overnight Hospital Stays.
One, a year ago next week.  The great Gallbladder removal of 2010.
P. Pet Peeve
People who have no clue about infertility or baby loss and the stupid things they say.
Q. Quote from a movie
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
R. Right or left handed?
S. Siblings.
I have a younger brother, also known as Small Fry.
T. Time you wake up.
As late as possible
U. Underwear.
If I answered this I would be doing a classic Heidi overshare.  I am trying very hard not to overshare.
V. Vegetable you dislike.
PEAS (squishy little eyeballs)
W. What makes you run late.
Poor time management.
X. X rays you have had done.
Teeth, skull when I was little.
Y. Yummy food you make.
Um, I don’t know.
Z. Zoo animal.

Mingo Monday 7/18/2011




I currently have a stockpile of new mingos waiting to be featured in Mingo Monday laying on a shelf in my bedroom…but todays Mingo doesn’t fit on a shelf.

Yes, you’ve seen the big one before, but the baby is new! Diane and Timmy (my favorite hotel guests) brought me the sweet little green one from a flea market in New York!  Thank you so much!!

(And since it is Monday I get to spend the day with the two awesome Mingo models! Aren’t they just the cutest?!?)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

If you are the kind of person who only sees the movies and never read the books so you don’t want to know how it all ends (like my girlfriend) please stop reading now.  I’m not sure how much spoiler there will be, but be warned.


I have been preparing for this day since July of 2004.  That is when I first picked up a Harry Potter book.  I had spent years making fun of Harry Potter fans.  I couldn’t see what the big deal was about a bunch of books about little kids as witches and wizards.  Skyler had the first four books, so I borrowed the first one.  I was back the next day for the next three.  Then I went out and bought the fifth book.  It was coming out in paperback a week later, but I couldn’t wait.  Ever since I have been hooked.  I went to the midnight release of the sixth and seventh books.  I’ve seen the last 4 movies in the theaters, the last two at midnight showings.

I will be honest.  I was not looking forward to this movie at all.  I’ve spent the last few weeks getting sick every time I thought about it.  This was to be the first Harry Potter related thing I did without Jenn.  I normally read all of the books before I go see the movie.  This time I put it off and put it off until I realized I’d never be able to finish them all and started with book four.  I even skipped the first half of book seven.  As I sat on the back deck last night finishing the book, I came across an amazing quote.  Snape seems to have all of the good ones.

(Dumbledore talking to Snape, regarding his love for Lily Potter)

“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.


Always, I totally agree.

I had joked with Danielle last week that I would’ve bought Jenn a plane ticket for her to come sit next to me through the movie.  Instead, I took two women with me that have made the last six months livable for me.  Lyz and Danielle.  I asked Lyz on the way to the theater if she would hold my hand should I need it.  Of course, was her answer.  My eyes filled with tears a few times on the drive.  Lyz was there to hold me steady.  We joked that really the only thing we would miss about Jenn being with us was that someone else was going to have to go and pick up the tickets.

As the movie started (and Lyz and I sipped on our smuggled whipped cream vodka Coke) I again became a little teary eyed.  It was really going to happen.  I was really going to watch this movie without Jenn by my side.  Again I reminded myself that I was surrounded by two women who love me unconditionally and who have never broken a promise to me.  I am better off.

The movie was done excellently.  There were, of course, scenes that I wish they had done as well as they did in the book.  Fred’s death for one.  There were things they left out, like Kreacher and Percy.  Then there were things they did better than the book, like Harry’s arrival at Hogwarts and Ron and Hermione getting rid of the Hufflepuff cup.

The scene that the three of us were most concerned about was when Harry looks at Snape’s memories in the pensieve.  This is where my tears really flowed.  They handled it perfectly.  I had chills and tears.  Then when Snape said ALWAYS I lost it.  I was sobbing.  Instantly two hands, one on either side of me, reached out to touch me.  To remind me they were there.  To comfort me.  I knew that the theater was about to get very quiet, I have read the books, I do know what happens next after all.  I had to calm myself down.  Lyz even joked with me on the way home that she was thinking in her head “Come on Heidi, pull yourself together.”  I managed to take a few deep breaths and hold it all in for a few moments while the theater was silent.  While what just happened sunk in.  As soon as there was noise again I made that awful sniffing, snorting, gaspy sound and pulled myself fully together.

The ending was well done also.  It wasn’t the book line for line, page for page.  In my opinion the most important line of the whole fight scene was used (NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”), which made me very pleased.  There was humor added in, that made you come out of your sad coma.  It was good.

I was able to accept the changes in this movie.  Compared to the last movie where I spent days and weeks ripping each scene apart, I only had one comment after this one that really bothered me.  Why was it snowing when they arrived in Hogsmeade??  It was May for crying out loud!!

So, it is over.  No more books, no more movies.  At least I still have The Wizarding World of Harry Potter to look forward to!!