After I hit publish on yesterday’s post, I felt a spot of guilt. I hit edit so that I could change one small sentence, and the screen went blank. The internet at The Hotel had gone down. I spent some time getting it back up, I read my book (Hey Lyz–I finally finished!!!) and just went on with my day. Forgetting that I wanted to change that sentence.
Well, now it has been too long to just go back and edit, so I will just post a retraction. Jenn is not forgettable. Who would ever be able to forget 15 years of their life? Not me. I should have worded it different. Jenn herself is not forgettable, the majority of the 15 years we had together were not forgettable. The pain she had caused, that is forgettable. It simply isn’t worth my time.
On a slightly related note, as I was driving to work this morning, it hit me that it has been over 24 hours since we’ve heard from Jenn. The very first time I went 24 hours without hearing from her was miserable. I remember Chris telling me if I would just stop talking to her it would get easier. So I decided to listen to him. I was sitting in front of The Hotel, my phone in one hand (a xanax in the other), Danielle sitting next to me, as I watched the minutes pass so that 24 hours would be done. When the hour clicked over…I stopped breathing. Danielle took my phone, traded it for a bottle of water and told me to swallow the pill. I went on with my evening. It hurt like hell. Then of course at some point we spoke again and I would have to start my 24 hours all over again. But, Chris was right, it got easier the longer I went without talking to her.
My how things have changed. I don’t feel a smidgen of regret for not talking to her for the last 24 hours. Do I still wish she hadn’t completely walked out of our lives, yes. We all could have been great friends. Well, maybe not. New Jenn really isn’t my type of friend. My honest first reaction when we heard from her the other day was “Well, at least I know she is alive and happy!!” Chris may have laughed at me for that.
Speaking of Chris…I need to publicly thank him. I thank Lyz all the time. But Chris has been just as wonderful and supportive and such a rock (As well as an awesome landlord!). While the blog drama was going on the other day, we were standing in the kitchen chatting. He was giving me a little pep talk. He looked at me and said “You are so much better without her. Better off, and better as a person.” You’re right, Chris. You’ve been right about everything this entire time. Thank you.
And my dear darling readers, thank you. Thank you for being here when I’m happy or sad or causing all sorts of drama. You are awesome people. A couple of bloggers and I have been contemplating a get together next Spring or Summer……..you should all come!!!