I’m a loser baby…

Remember way back when…I said I wanted to do something by myself, have it be my thing?? I chose to be on my local chapter of Share’s Walk to Remember board.

The Walk is tomorrow. I’m not going. My excuse is work, which is quite true. We have 100 Sukkot rooms arriving. I know if I mentioned the Walk to Rodney, he would find a way for me to go.

I don’t want to go alone. Jenn is working, Lyz is still in Florida. I have two friends going, both of which I know would hold me up, but for one this is her first Walk since she lost her son, and the others son just had surgery and I don’t want to burden either of them.

They are going to light Blue’s candle when his name is called for me. His name will be on the t-shirt, and our message to him will be in the program. The important things are taken care of.

I went to almost all of the meetings, except for one when we were at the Dinosaur show and the ones they had on Saturday mornings. I did what I wanted to do, I worked for the Walk. I worked for something important. But like most of the things in my life, I am failing to see it through to the end. I shall add the Walk to the pile of unfinished crocheting and knitting, quilting and cross-stitching. I will add it to the pile that holds my huge scrapbooking collection that has gone untouched since Blue left.

We were at Petsmart this afternoon with Muffin and a woman asked Jenn about her Blue tattoo. For the first time it wasn’t excruciating pain that I felt, but pride. Pride that I could tell someone about him. Pride that he exists and that others know about him. Pride that we are his mothers.

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4 thoughts on “I’m a loser baby…

  1. Whenever I give blood, the blood drawer always asks about my little bird tattoo. I am proud to have it on my arm. =)

  2. You’re not a loser – even if you are missing the walk, you will be there in spirit and you have made a contribution just by attending the meetings. Remember, that is more than so many other people do.

    You may not be at the walk, but you helped make it happen. And that is sooooo important for so many moms.

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