I have been a bit quiet on here lately. There are several reasons for that. There is a lot going on, obviously. I will say the biggest reason is that I have been forgetting to take my drugs so I have been slipping down that slope…I now get a text at 1pm every day from K reminding me to take my pill.
So…I’ve now got a lot to say. You know what that means?? Yup, bullets.
- Thank you Tara for loving my blog enough to ask me where blog posts have been and worrying that you just weren’t getting notification.
- Today has been a very VERY good day. (And no, I didn’t even take my drugs until just 20 minutes ago, so it had nothing to do with that.) My morning started by going to the gym with CLAD. I loved it. I walked on the treadmill next to Lyz and I felt so much better than when I was at the gym a year ago. I didn’t even come home with a raging headache!!! I am crying while I type this because I am so proud of myself!! I wore a t-shirt that I haven’t worn in forever and I felt like I was swimming in it. Like it was so big that I felt awful and frumpy in it. A good remind of how far I have come.
- I have been meditating. I used to do it, but, as most things I love, it was frowned upon. Now I have it all set up on my ipod and flip it on every evening. Depending on my mood I either sit on the floor with my candle lit in front of me, or I do it while lying in bed so that I can keep that peaceful frame of mind all night long. Since I started meditating again I have only woken up in the middle of the night when I hear Delaney, no longer because of my own fears.
- I found more bullcrap that my ex left me with. I’ve taken all of the information to my lawyer and he is going to see what he can do to get me out of it. On the same note, my family keeps getting bill collector calls looking for Jenn. Not just my immediate family either. Annoying.
- Update on K. She is as wonderful as ever. I see her at least once a week and we are always texting or on the phone. She is also still as patient as ever and told me a few weeks ago that she will not discuss me moving in with her until at least February of next year.
- Tomorrow night K and I are going on a real date. I don’t know why this feels like such a real date to me. It may have something to do with the fact that she is picking me up from CLAD’s. It may have something to do with the fact that we are going out to dinner and maybe a movie or putt-putt or some other date type activity. But more importantly than that, when she drops me off, she is going to meet Lyz. I really need to sit down and write an entire post about why I haven’t introduced K to any part of CLAD yet. It scares me. I still have those “I am cheating on my wife” feelings and it just feels so wrong introducing K to them. Like I am introducing the other woman.
- Avery told me last night that she wishes I was home every morning for breakfast. I asked her why…because she knows that I love the corners of PopTarts and she wants to be able to share them with me each morning.
- Lyz has started seeing a nutritionist and an exercise physiologist. As I cannot afford such things I am just going to start cheating off of her notes. I am so very excited!! Although I have a hard time picturing Lyz any more beautiful than she already is. (did you just hear that? It was Lyz telling me to shut-up)
- I would like to put it on the record that I have not had any type of weight loss surgery. Apparently, someone (not naming names, but I’m sure you could figure out who) has been telling people that I had gastric bypass. I have not. This is not to say that I won’t ever. I did look into it back in January, but due to my insurance lapping, I stopped. Then I started losing the weight on my own. Should I hit a plateau I will look into it again. I still have a lot of weight to lose before I am no longer horribly obese!!
- I say it a lot in the house, or in the car, and even here. But I feel the need to say it again. I am so thankful for my CLAD. Everyday they fill my heart with love. They do so many things, both big and small, to show me how much they love me. I often get scared that they are going to get sick of having me around. Just the other night while Lyz and I were laying in her bed she said “I don’t know that I will ever want you to move out” while we were discussing K…it feels so good to feel wanted.