Six candles. Going in to first grade. Probably taking the training wheels off your bike. Bumps and scrapes and bruises. Giggling at fart jokes. Playing computer games. Being such a boy. (So many times I say that to Beckett…)
My pain never eases. I know you’re there. I know you watch me. I feel you. Do you feel the extra squeeze I give your cousins? Avery asked me once, a long time ago, why do you squeeze me twice? Once for you, once for Blue, I hope he feels them.
Tuesday night, Delaney crawled in my bed, slipped under my covers and told me she had a bad dream, can I stay in here? Yes. She then crawled over top of me, grabbed your teddy bear and said “Blue will make the dream go away.” And you did.
I love you. To the moon and back. More than all the stars in the sky. Brighter than the sun. I also miss you. To the moon and back. More than all the stars in the sky. Brighter than the sun.
I feel you, Blue. I feel you in quiet whispers when I’m all alone. In cold breezes on a hot night when I’m searching for Orion in the sky, and he isn’t there. I see you in the smiles on your cousins faces when I kiss them and tickle them and hold them close.
Mommy misses you. I know some day I will hold you close. That will be another day to celebrate you.
(PS-Don’t forget to wish Aunt Laura a Happy Birthday!!!)