Thinking of my Blue

Dear Blue,

Six candles. Going in to first grade. Probably taking the training wheels off your bike. Bumps and scrapes and bruises. Giggling at fart jokes. Playing computer games. Being such a boy. (So many times I say that to Beckett…)

My pain never eases. I know you’re there. I know you watch me. I feel you. Do you feel the extra squeeze I give your cousins? Avery asked me once, a long time ago, why do you squeeze me twice? Once for you, once for Blue, I hope he feels them.

Tuesday night, Delaney crawled in my bed, slipped under my covers and told me she had a bad dream, can I stay in here? Yes. She then crawled over top of me, grabbed your teddy bear and said “Blue will make the dream go away.” And you did.

I love you. To the moon and back. More than all the stars in the sky. Brighter than the sun. I also miss you. To the moon and back. More than all the stars in the sky. Brighter than the sun.

I feel you, Blue. I feel you in quiet whispers when I’m all alone. In cold breezes on a hot night when I’m searching for Orion in the sky, and he isn’t there. I see you in the smiles on your cousins faces when I kiss them and tickle them and hold them close.

Mommy misses you. I know some day I will hold you close. That will be another day to celebrate you.

Love always,
Mommy

(PS-Don’t forget to wish Aunt Laura a Happy Birthday!!!)

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2 thoughts on “Thinking of my Blue

  1. Love you, hurt for you- and celebrate him always. My gemini twin- my birthday nephew-guardian of all things truly good. I remember- ALWAYS.- AUnt Laura

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