True Love, Part Duet

(I typed 2, Two, and Too. Couldn’t decide which one to use. Settle on Duet, works for me!)

I walk in the house yesterday, and after I was done being hugged and squeezed by Delaney who seems to have decided that I was her favorite person in the world yesterday (called me at work to see when I was coming home, tried every trick in the book to make me let her sleep in my bed last night, including just climbing in around 1am and ending with climbing back in and playing on the iphone this morning) Lyz turns to me and says “I still can’t make up my mind.” Her instant response is only one true love. But then, she is in a perfect committed happy relationship that she wants to last forever. If she was in, say, my shoes, would she think something different.

A coworker said, well, maybe if your first true love had died…

Crush says ONE true love.

I say you can have more than one.

Let us start with the definition of True Love.
Crush’s says “They love you for you and don’t want you to change anything about you. They will support you in any changes you choose to do…they may give their opinion but in the end support your decision (unless it is life changing and affects both of ya). They give and take equally. They lift you up when you are feeling down. They do random things to show their love and appreciation for everything you do. I could go on and on.”

I will let that one stand as our working definition. Agreed? Good.

Why I believe in more than one true love:

If I were to say there I am to only have one true love in my lifetime, I have to stand by one of the following statements.

1-Jenn was not a true love, and I wasted 15 years of my life.
2-Jenn was a true love, and now I am destined to be alone forever.

I’m not a fan of either option. I believe that, for the majority of the relationship, Jenn and I had true love. We were very supportive of each other. I can pretty much pinpoint exactly when it changed. And it is very strange because I was watching an episode of “The L Word” last night and Bette and Tina had the exact same thing happen. And it made me feel terribly guilty. After Bette had cheated on Tina she pointed out that Tina was too blame too…Tina had shut down after her miscarriage. I shut down after losing Blue. I was no longer any where close to the person Jenn had married, I was simply a shell wearing a plaster facade. I was depressed and lost. I shut down and shut everyone, including my wife, out.

Does that mean that Jenn wasn’t my true love? If we go by Crush’s definition, Jenn should have been there to support me no matter what. But Jenn was in a similar boat. Unemployed, depressed herself, and feeling useless. Neither of us had the ability to truly be there for the other when we couldn’t even hold ourselves together. There were many times that I know she woke up to me crying in the middle of the night and just kept pretending to be asleep, how could she deal with my tears, when she couldn’t deal with her own?

Moral of the story, I do believe that Jenn and I had true love. So therefore, if I only get one true love, does that mean I have to spend the rest of my life alone??

No. I don’t believe that for a minute. If you had asked me that question last year at this time…I would have said yes. Then in December I met this girl. I’ve told Crush before, that even if nothing were to ever happen to us relationship wise, I will forever be in her debt for giving me a very important gift…hope. Could Crush be my next true love?? Maybe. If she is or isn’t doesn’t really matter because she gave me hope that I can have a next true love.

Crush’s point is that if, for example, Jenn and I were true love, Jenn would still be here. True love stands together. True love stays together. She doesn’t believe I wasted 15 years, just that I needed something for those 15 years. Without Jenn, I would have never met CLAD. I wouldn’t have these two awesome nieces who run to me each days and squeeze me so hard they shake. And yes, I do see her point. I could see Jenn as simply a place holder.

Who knows. Maybe when I say I do to my next true love, I will know that Crush was right. That Jenn was just someone to hold me over until the true True Love came along. Until then, I’m just going to go with my initial response.

2 thoughts on “True Love, Part Duet

  1. ummm…I don’t usually comment here, but I just had to jump in on this one. (Hi, H!!) There are times when we think that someone is our “one true love” but for whatever the reasons, life happens and things don’t work out. However, you do learn from those expereinces and they inevitably form the person you become. Maybe there’s not a “one true love” but a true love that you need at that point in your life. The ultimate wish is that the person that you love loves you back enough to want to navigate and change with you as life does to all of us, but I have to say that even if you’re with your “one true love” its not like it makes it magically easy. Relationships are hard and they are hard work, but it’s the decisions to navigate through together or alone that people use to say someone is thier “true love.” Just my two cents. Cynical enough? 🙂

  2. I never comment here either but I have to agree with the above commenter. Relationships are hard work and even if you both love each other, life happens, people change, and things get in the way. BUT, just because those things happen doesn’t mean it has to be over and that person isn’t your “one true love”. I agree that you both have to love each other enough to be able to work through those things together. My wife and I are currently going through a seperation however we are looking at this seperation as a way to continue counseling and re-focus on falling back in love with each other and getting to know this “new” person. We got together at 17 so we have obviously changed as people over the years but we still love each other and I would consider her my “one true love”. If in the end this thing doesn’t work out I don’t think that I will be alone forever just because I lost my “one true love” however I could never love someone the same as I do my wife. I could love them, sure, but the love wouldn’t be the same.

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