A little bit of anger.

I’m sitting at the hotel crying right now.  I went back through pictures to find the pictures of Blue’s birthday cakes over the years.  I thought that would be cute to include in tomorrow’s blog post.  I’m going to make his cake this year, as I’m trying to keep the cake healthy (ANGEL food cake is better for you than other types of cake).

I found the cake from 2009

I found the cake from 2010

Then I found the cupcakes from 2011

What about the above makes me angry??? Blue’s cakes were Jenn’s thing. She wanted that to be her thing. She would contact the place that made our wedding cake and order two cakes for January 11. One for Blue and one to celebrate our anniversary. I had a flashback to a year ago today when she came home from work and told me she just didn’t want to do a cake this year, for either occasion.

I walked into the kitchen and found a box of mix and blue dye and made those very blue cupcakes. My son will never have a birthday without a cake. She may not be the person who finds such things important, but I am.

I’m pissed because she walked out on us that day. She was so far into her other life that having a cake for her son on his birthday was not important to her.

Pardon me, but fuck her. It has taken me almost a year to find anger, and I just did. I cannot believe that she did that a year ago. Fine, don’t be in love with me, whatever. But don’t you dare ignore our son in that way.

I had been planning on signing Blue’s fourth birthday letter from his mommies…it seemed like the nice thing to do.

I changed my mind.

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10 thoughts on “A little bit of anger.

  1. Happy Birthday Blue!!!!! Did you see who named her little girl Blue Ivory???? When I heard that I thought you and your little one………we will ALWAYS remember……..hugs and kisses

  2. Ugh- thats a truly calloused person and hard memory. Keep your tradition alive-its beautiful. And while I am at it- Happy Birthday Blue!

  3. Happy Birthday Blue. This corner of the Internet won’t forget you or the mummy that loves you so fiercely. We’re sorry you couldn’t stay.

  4. You’re right – fuck her. Fuck her for quitting. I had a good talk with my counselor last week. Lately, I’ve found myself all pissed off again and she said the second year is difficult because it’s a year of anniversaries. She’s right – I catch myself thinking “a year ago today” a lot.

    That being said – happy birthday Blue :-). We still think of you.

  5. Happy Early Birthday Blue!!

    And hooray for you finding the anger. I strongly believe anger is a healthy phase in a divorce!

  6. Good for you!!!!! THIS is where you needed to find the anger Heidi, this is where is what most important – where your son was involved… You could walk away from the hurt of her leaving the memories of you, but from your son – never… THIS is the most important part of you!
    I hardly ever comment – more of a lurker on things, but felt the need to do so here – you need the anger to heal, you need the anger to show you exactly how wrong everything she did to you, to CLAD, to your Blue, to the entire family was… she is selfish – that is more and more apparent with the postings you have shared lately. You are becoming YOU now… not the subservant she molded, but the real Heidi … YOU GO GIRL!!!!! : ) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Anger is an important stage of the process and I am glad that you have found it. Work through the anger and you will come out stronger. I am still very angry, but starting to move on through it to indifferent, and it feels good. Many hugs.

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