Minor Meltdown

Yesterday, I wore my pink winter coat for the first time this season. I wore my black one last week for the first time. When I put it on I had a total happy party! It is so big on me! Last year it totally hugged my body, it was obvious that I had big boobs. This year, it hangs on me. Pretty sure I could fit both Avery and Delaney underneath it.

I was expecting the same happy party when I put on the pink one. And I got it! It is too big! It was amazing when I sat down in my car and the coat was all bunched up and poofed out! So big!! Yay!!

Then I got to work, went in, and went to hang it up. I felt something in my pocket so I unzipped it and reached in. My mind played that wonderful game wondering if there could be one of those random $20 bills left in my coat pocket from last year!?!?!?

No. It was a memento from a date K and I went on. I froze. My breath started to come in gasps. My hands were shaking. My eyes instantly started overflowing. Bile rose in my throat.

That means that the last time I wore that coat I was with K, not Jenn. With my girlfriend, not my wife. With someone I met in my thirties, not the woman who entered my life when I was 17.

Then I really looked at what was in my hand. A receipt from a dinner. A dinner where I laughed. A dinner where I blushed because K had said something so sweet and romantic. A dinner where I was paid attention to. Where no one flirted with the waitress. A dinner where I was the center of attention. A dinner where I felt special. Loved. Wanted.

I put the receipt back in my pocket. My breathing calmed, my eyes dried. And I moved on with my morning. I put on the fleece from the coat closet that is only a size XL, and hung up my coat that is a 4x. I smiled.

Then I texted K and told her she is awesome.


3 thoughts on “Minor Meltdown

  1. Living in the Southwest we never get those “omg there’s $20 in my pocket from winter last year!!!!” moments. Sigh. I miss that. . . Good for you on the giant coats!

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