Ghosts

I’m currently in a place that has a bed that Jenn and I once slept next to each other in it. More than anywhere else I feel here ghost here.

I can’t even make myself walk into the room where the bed is. It is very strange. A large part of me wannts to go crawl into that bed. Hopes that I can feel the comfort of my wife one more time. Wishes that she was here to sleep next to me again.

Another part of me has to smile that I’m so much better wwith her not here. Yesterday I got into my car and drove 3 hours to a place I’ve never driven before. This is HUGE for me. Chris was even so proud of me that he gave me a fist bump.

I think there is another ghost here. I was woken up and asked to lean down for a hug. I’m sleeping on the top bunk. I did. I thought it was Lyz hugging me goodbye. I realized a while later that it wasn’t, as I watched Lyz get out of bed. I asked her, “Did you wake me up for a hug last night?” She didn’t. I checked with Danyelle and Joni too, it wasn’t either of them. I know I didn’t dream it. So very strange.

I just finished reading an article about Adele. There is an awesome quote:

“I’m fine without him, but I don’t want to be without him and I still miss him.”

I agree 100%. I’m fine without her. But that doesn’t change the fact that I miss her fully.  It doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t want this. It doesn’t change the fact that I am still haunted by her ghost.

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One thought on “Ghosts

  1. Speaking from my own experience-you will always love Jenn. You didn’t leave-she did. Your future relationships won’t change that. You will love again-it won’t change your love for Jenn-it will just be different. I will say this: your experience, as tough as it has been-will enable you to help someone else. It just seems to work that way.

Whatcha gotta say bout that?

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