A Selfish Moment

There is a lot going on in the world of CLAD right now. Last night was the first half of the auction selling off all of Delmar’s belongings. Last night was the auction for all of his tools. I was amazed at the amount of tools there were. There were things that no one even knew what they were! As I walked up to the house, for a brief moment I thought “Delmar is going to love this….” And then it hit me he wasn’t there. I stood back for a second to catch my breath and then walked into the food tent.

We made the best of it. I had picked an item and wanted to see how much it went for. Unfortunately there was a hot dog emergency and I missed it being auctioned off…I did manage to hunt down the buyer (Joni’s neighbor, Mr. Joe) to see how much it sold for-$5.00.

Oh, what is a hot dog emergency you ask? Well, CLAD is doing a food tent at the auction, some of the proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society. Avery baked cookies and cupcakes to sell, and we have hot dogs, soft pretzels, sauerkraut, soda, coffee and chips to sell too. It seems we underestimated peoples desire for hot dogs. I was sent first to the gas station for more dogs. As I came walking back up to the tent I see Chris running at me…we were completely out!! Almost as soon as I put my stuff down I was sent to the grocery store for more hot dogs!! My facebook status was “Made not one but two emergency hot dog runs today. I dare you to say I lead a boring life!”

The second half of the auction will be held tomorrow. This will include all of his collections, and the house. If you live anywhere nearby, stop out and visit us. Buy some cookies from Avery, she is an awesome little sales girl. Or just stop buy and give us some moral support.

Onto my selfishness…All I can think about today is that it is just after my birthday. Traditionally that means decorate for Halloween. Or, maybe it is because I heard the Halloween theme song on my way to work this morning and for a brief moment I smiled, thinking she was in the car with me.  It was her favorite ringer for her cell afterall.

It hurts me. It is really really bothering me this morning. Karen and I were talking this morning and I almost started crying. I’m not sure how CLAD is going to feel about this, but I am pretty sure that when I get home I will be installing a set of Skelemingos in their front yard. I will be pulling out the pumpkins that we painted weeks ago and putting them around my room. I will start digging into my rather large collection of milk jugs to start making more craft projects.

I will get through this. But for right now, this moment, I am going to wallow a little in the pain. Remind myself that it is okay to hurt sometimes. Then, I will turn to Lyz and she will remind me that “We got this.”

We do.

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3 thoughts on “A Selfish Moment

  1. I have a dumb question….why are they selling all of his stuff? wasn’t he married and wouldnt the wife get everything?? Just wondering

  2. Grieving is a process that never really ends. Sometimes the space between the pain gets very long and sometimes its really short. It is a process. Exist in yourself, allow yourself to feel, cry when you have to and then go on. Sometimes the pain from my first wife (16 years, one child, four dogs and a whole lifetime ago) catches me in the stomach and I can’t breathe. It will get less frequent. And less intense. But it never really goes away. Its part of what defines us as humans.

    Put out your skelemingos (whatever that is), purchase some new and very cool Halloween decorations (or make them) and then create a brand new tradition for you and CLAD (we especially like the cornfield maze and pumpkin patch). Sending hugs and well wishes for the month.

  3. You wrote K’s name. Don’t know if you meant to.

    On another note- keep your head up and enjoy CLAD. Don’t worry about “her” and let the thoughts of “her” bring you down. Just enjoy the new you and the people who love you.

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