What I know right now…

I know that waking up tomorrow morning is going to suck. I will wake up alone. No one laying next to me. The person who owns my heart will not be there to kiss me good morning and tell me they love me and wish me a happy birthday.

I know that I just took an extra long shower because I was afraid to turn the water off because I couldn’t stop the sobbing and didn’t want anyone to hear me.

I know that I hurt.


I also know that tomorrow morning I will wake up in a house where I am loved unconditionally.

I also know that Avery gave me shit this morning because tomorrow is my birthday and I won’t be home for the majority of it.

I also know that I will be spending the day with the most wonderful sister-friend that anyone would ever be able to imagine.

I also know that I will be seeing my idol, the wonderful Ms. Martha Stewart.

I also know that I am loved. Maybe not by everyone, but at least by everyone who is important.

I also know that I am not alone. I may feel lonely, but I know that just a phone call, text, or hallway away is so many different people who love me and would be by my side in a half a breath.

I also know that if you are reading this, I am thankful. I list you as a friend. Unless you come from one of two ip addresses, then I simply list you as a spy 😉


6 thoughts on “What I know right now…

  1. you know what Heidi? I felt compelled to leave a reply to this message, cause no one should feel alone, or unloved on their birthday.
    I have read your writings for quite some time now, thru another friends blog (2girls2dogs2cats)… I have laughed..I have cried and I have smiled ALOT… I have never been as outraged as I was last week when I read last week that you were given ONE cake the whole time you were with the ex ( i will never put the name down) I’m sorry – but that is pathetic! I dont EAT cake, but my hunny makes sure i get my favorite pie, or cookie or treat for my birthday…
    seems to me you have a good thing going now, you are on the right track health wise, have tons & bunches of love with your CLAD crew… dont deny yourself love because of one seriously messed up BEEYOTCH (just my opinion)
    send my a message if you need to – happy to talk anytime!

  2. Happy birthday!!!! And I look forward to hearing all about the show!!! And if I know you, there will be some excellent pictures too… You are awesome, amazing and all the rest!
    I know that this year will be better than ever and I can’t wait to hear about all you will achieve this coming year!!

  3. I don’t comment often anymore because I mainly read from my phone, which doesn’t let me %&*#, but that last line made me crack up – love it. Hope you have a very, very special birthday tomorrow with Martha (and all the other lovely people who love you so much).

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