I sat here and wrote out the truth, but realized that the whole truth isn’t pretty. So, cliff notes-I did it wrong. I was depressed and stopped eating. If I did eat it made a quick exit. This worsened after Jenn left. I kept nothing down ever. Even once the massive fog had lifted I still only ate if there were people around watching me.
But, here we are now. I have a gym membership. I follow myfitnesspal the right way. I make smart choices in what I am eating. No more cheeseburgers for me. In fact out to dinner with K last week I ordered a black bean burger. I wanted a burger so bad but didn’t want all the grease. I have a drawer in CLAD’s fridge full of healthy treats. Although, I did eat a heck of a lot of beer bread and spinach dip the other day.
I am going to the gym. I’ve only been doing this faithfully for a week, so don’t cheer too loud yet. I walk on the treadmill every time I go, and lift weights every other time. I want to muster up the courage to go to the Piyo class they offer, but I haven’t quite gotten there yet.
This past week I lost 3 pounds. (Well, to be honest I lost 7, but had gained 4 early in the week thanks to my period.) I’m going to do this the right way. Should I hit another slump, I will be looking back in to gastric bypass.
I want my outsides to look as good as I feel on the inside. K has done an amazing job of building up my self esteem. She has pulled off in 6 months what Jenn couldn’t do in 15 years. I feel like a rockstar, through and through. The real me is totally starting to shine through, not the me that someone wants to see, the real me. I’m so happy that Jenn was able to find someone that could fit perfectly into her servant mold without having to try and shove them into all of the intricate corners. That leaves me free to release myself from the mold. To create my own mold. A smaller mold this time!!