The other day I was having a conversation with someone and she mentioned she liked my shoes. I thanked her. She asked why they weren’t Crocs. Oh, didn’t you hear I threw away an entire bag of those? We were sitting in a waiting room and I was flipping through a magazine and I said “I used to really like this magazine, but now it annoys me that they don’t include nutritional information”. She turned, touched my hand and said “You are becoming someone I don’t recognize.” I smiled and said “Or, am I just becoming who I already was?”
But then I started to think about it. Is it good or bad that I have made such changes? I think most of the changes are for the best. I think that I have only made changes that make me a better person. I think that I like who is starting to emerge from this cocoon of mourning.
I spent the rest of that day thinking about it. I realize that those changes started before the ex left. They started on a very specific day that I cannot discuss here, but they started. I began to stick up for myself. Lyz could tell you a story about dirty laundry that proves the changes started before Jenn left.
I’m sticking up for myself now too. Yes, I’ve changed a lot. But I’m the same person I always was, I just have more freedom than before. There isn’t that person standing beside me judging every move I make. There isn’t that person standing over me telling me that I am simply weak. There isn’t that person lying to me about everything. There is just me. Strong. Tall. Proud.