I have quite a bit of free time on my hands this weekend. So, when I got home from work last night I decided to be productive and headed out to CLAD’s garage to clear out that pile of my stuff, even though several people advised me not to. (Hi Mom, K, and Danielle!)
But it is done. I did have one long crying jag. I texted Danielle when I couldn’t breathe any longer. I think I summed up what I feel when I have to go through things pretty good.
“I can’t breathe. Every picture is of us. Every book-I can tell you exactly where and when we bought it. Everything. 15 years of things stained with her!”
Danielle used the word tainted in her reply. Tainted is a good word. Nothing is actually ruined. It is all just contaminated.
I separated into 5 piles. My Room, Pack, Save for Jenn, Garage Sale, Trash. I’d say unless it was a book that I have read multiple times, it went into one of the last two piles.
Then I did something very big. I hung something on the wall in my bedroom. Lyz had tried to prompt me into hanging things within days of me moving in. I just couldn’t do it. At the time I really wasn’t sure if I was going to stay. All I really wanted to do was run away from everyone, everything. But, I guess CLAD is stuck with me for a bit.
Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see.
I see nothing right now, I simply have the faith that I will get through this, get past this, get on with living.