Burning Down the House

Have you been reading for a long time? Do you remember when this happened?

I love to cook. I also have three major downfalls. Tater tots (they never cook. I can put them in an oven for 5 hours at 500 degrees and they will still be frozen) Hard boiled eggs (again, boil them for days, always still runny) and GARLIC BREAD.

Opps, I did it again.

Monday I had off and had nothing to do so I walked myself to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner. In my head if you have some form of pasta you must also serve garlic bread. I stood in front of the frozen garlic bread and a thin sheen of sweat began to appear on my forehead. I decided that maybe I would make fresh garlic bread. When I thought to myself…is there any olive oil at CLAD’s? I didn’t want to add another glass bottle to the bag of things I would be carrying home so I went for the middle road. I bought a loaf of garlic bread at the bakery.

My thoughts? Well it isn’t frozen, it will be in the oven less time, I WILL NOT forget about it.

Dinner time comes and Chris gets home so I pull the lasagna out of the oven and throw in the garlic bread. Our conversation gets a little heavy when I realize “OH NO THE GARLIC BREAD”. I open up the oven and the kitchen is instantly filled with smoke. I choked on the strong smell of garlic and smoke. Chris started laughing and ran to the smoke alarm which was screaming. I opened the kitchen windows.

When I finally pulled the bread out of the oven (when I could see the oven again) it really wasn’t that bad. I was able to trim a bit off the edges and all was well. The best part was Avery and Lyz coming home. The tone of Lyz’s voice when Chris explained what happened both cracked me up and made me want to cry. Why oh Why can’t I make garlic bread.

For your entertainment, the status post that followed the great garlic bread incident of 2011:

Me- Dear future spouse, I cannot make garlic bread…please know this will be your responsibility. Sorry!

Tara#1- One out of two people HAS GOT to know how to make garlic bread. It is absolutely essential. And ask Lyz, I’m in no way joking.

Wendie- I can totally tell you how to make garlic bread.

Jen- It’s so easy! Butter the bread, sprinkle with garlic powder and stick under the broiler for 5-ish minutes. It couldn’t be simpler, really!

Me- Sure. You all can tell me how to make it, but can you tell me how NOT to burn it??

Jen- Set the timer for three minutes, then watch it like a hawk!

Lori- I don’t broil because I always burn it. I do melted butter, minced garlic (from a jar usually), some oregano, some parm, mix it up, spoon over the bread, and bake at 400 while the water for the pasta boils and it’ll be nice and crispy when the pasta’s done.

Chris- Heidi forgot to tell you all that it is prepackaged garlic bread. Instructions: 1. remove bread freezer 2. Remove bread from foil package 2. Place in preheated oven for the time the bag tells you to 3. When buzzer goes off, REMOVE FROM OVEN!!

Me-‎4. No matter what, make sure its burned.

Chris- Yes, I know I have typos! Big fingers, small buttons! It’s genetic damn it!

Me- I will have to check with my mom and see if my garlic bread burning skills are genetic.

Lori- Heidi, my mom’s recipe was: 1. slather with margarine. 2. use only enough garlic salt to be allowed to call it garlic bread. 3. broil until black.

Jessica- To only be a fly on the wall at the CLAD household….. LMAO!!!!!!

Me- If you were a fly on the wall you would need to be in the fly hospital with smoke damage to your little fly lungs!

Lyz- I come home and the windows were open and burnt bread in the air…. My response omg heidi really again???? Lol but her lasagna was awesome I may add!

Roxanne (Chris’s StepMom)- Why weren’t we invited for dinner tonite? Your Mom’s dinner was yummylicious but so is lasagna.

Jessica- OMG!! I am laughing so hard I am crying from my little fly eyes!!!

Me- Thankfully Chris was home to assist in fire alarm dismantling.

Me- I will remember to invite you next time Roxanne!

Roxanne (Chris’s StepMom)- Awesome, you are a doll, I will make the garlic bread…

Tara#2- I was going to suggest how I make it: buy it prepackaged… but I see that is the issue here.

Diane- dare I ask what the littles were doing while all this was going on? It sounds like a sitcom! 🙂

Me- Delaney was in the playroom. Avery at gymnastics. I blame Chris. He had me involved in a serious conversation.

Diane- that’s it. When all else fails, blame the men. 🙂

Roxanne (My Mom)- Aw, so sorry you got my garlic bread skills. We don’t even keep the smoke alarm up in the kitchen anymore! At least you make great lasagna!! Did you give Lori my recipe?

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3 thoughts on “Burning Down the House

  1. Ooooh Can I have your good lasagna recipe? Mine is always kinda blah. I am the queen of the stove top timer. It has saved many a steak under the broiler…

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