Dear Cancer,

Short letter (includes profanities):

Fuck you.

Signed, Heidi

Long Letter (may still include profanities):

Why in the world do you find it necessary to impede yourself all over everyone’s lives? Because this world isn’t terrible enough. There aren’t massive earthquakes and tsunami’s and hurricanes scattered all over the world? There aren’t enough other diseases and downfalls and poverty and general sadness in this world? There aren’t adorable little boys who have heart problems? Why do you need to come into our lives and add your crazy nonsense? Your bullshit.

Go away. I know not a single person who wants you. Except maybe a little boy who worries that if his cancer goes away it will go into some other child. That little boy is way stronger than I am. (and Cancer, right now Ina Garten, whom I used to love, is now on my shitlist with you. Enjoy one another.)

I have had enough of your impact on my life. When I can no longer use simply one hand, or both hands, or all of my appendages, to count the number of people in my life you have latched yourself onto, I become even more enraged. Because I wasn’t pissed off enough with you already.

What is your purpose here? I’ve seen too many tears split in your name. Be Gone.

Without kind regards,


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