I’m sitting here at work knowing that Chris and Lyz are having a very hard day. They are at their friend’s funeral. I cannot imagine the pain they are feeling right now. I know that Lyz is picturing this police funeral as though it was Chris’s in some deep part of her mind. I know that Chris is upset that he isn’t allowed to wear sunglasses.
We picked up a collage that Chris made through Costco yesterday and just seeing all of those pictures of this young man broke my heart. As we played our nightly Scrabble game Chris played Amazing Grace (in bagpipes) for us to listen to. Is it possible to hear that song played by bagpipes and not cry?
I didn’t sleep well last night knowing that Chris and Lyz were preparing to do something very painful in the morning. Lyz had said to me last night “I cannot believe we are going to K’s funeral tomorrow.” A very powerful statement.
I walked into the kitchen after dinner last night and Chris was sitting at the table polishing his boots and his utility belt so that would both be shiny and perfect for today. I had to turn around and walk back out. I cannot imagine the emotion. Once I calmed myself I went back in and sat next to him and talked about nonsense trying to keep his mind from going too deep. Then Avery, in her infinite wisdom said “When will we be done with death?” Chris looked up and gave her the best answer any of us could have. “Never, death is a part of life.”
I told them both last night that I will be virtually holding their hand throughout today. Lyz said thank you. Chris said “but won’t our hands get sweaty?” I love them both so much.
Death is Nothing At All
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Death Poem by Henry Scott Holland ~ 1847-1918
Canon of St. Paul’s Cathedral ~ London. UK