peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
After a rough night on Sunday I managed to sleep through the night and wake up feeling peace on Monday. I’m not sure why. There was no epiphany or anything. Just peace.
Now don’t get me wrong, my heart is still broken, I still feel as though I have no soul, but my mood itself is one of peace. I can accept everything that has happened. I can smile without forcing it out. I’m wearing a bit of my plaster facade but for the most part I have peace.
For example, when CLAD left to go to the gym…I didn’t curl up in my bed or in the shower to bawl. I got dressed and went for a walk (1 mile) and then came back and walked down to the basement. My feet never actually touched the basement floor, but it was a step. I didn’t want to ruin the peaceful feeling.
When CLAD got home we went shopping and then Avery and I snoogled up in my bed to watch Alice in Wonderland (the “real people” version as Avery said). She looked over at me and said “I thought we were making nachos for dinner?” Up out of bed and to the store we flew.
After the girls went to bed Lyz and I hopped on the couch to catch up on our shows. Since I have been living with them for four weeks, life has come full circle. Chris is back on night shifts. Lyz and I can watch our shows together after the girls are asleep. It is like one big never ending slumber party. Best part of the night? Lyz coming in to visit me after we’d gone to bed to tell me an embarrassing story! See, just a slumber party.
I said it two days after this all went down, and I will say it again…I got the better end of this deal.