*Yes, I know there are those of you out there cringing that I am so irreverent as to call them dead babies. But you know what? They are. They are our dead babies and you can kiss my hiney and stop reading if you want.*
A bit ago I told you about Nicole. She is Max’s mother, and Max was born still this past December. Nicole and I had never met, but spent a lot of time talking about Max and the things I could do to help her get the Missing Angels bill passed.
She decided that she had met so many of us through Facebook and wanted to meet us all in real life, so on Monday evening Lyz and I hopped into her car and headed over to Nicole’s.
Normally I start to get nervous and anxious as things like this draw closer and closer. This time I felt more and more at peace. I wasn’t nervous or scared or begging to hide in a corner. I wanted to go. Jenn and Chris had asked us how long we would be. Oh, who knows, we are a bunch of dead baby mommas, could be midnight we joked. We got home at 12:05am. Guess we weren’t kidding.
The evening starting with a Mary Kay facial party. Our Mary Kay consultant Jennifer was awesome!! She didn’t want us to think about buying anything, just to enjoy the products and relax. She gave us each a Satin Hands travel kit as a gift, which I made Jenn use the next night!! Fun Fun!
Then we grabbed some munchies and sat around the table sharing stories. The amount of strength in that room amazed me. The things that we had all been through. Lyz and I do not have stillborn mommy badges, although we joke that between the two of us we’ve got a baseball team of dead babies, but all the rest of the ladies did, and they treated us no different. Every loss is a loss and these women understood that. There was no judging of any feelings. No judging of anger, or the need to try again. No questioning emotions, just a nod and a pat on the hand that “I’ve been at that point too”.
The thing that amazed me the most is that every single one of them had one part of the story that was EXACTLY the same. It is the part of the story that haunts me, the I should have known when. For all of us they used the Doppler, said “Oh, this has been acting up, I’ll go get the ultrasound machine”. When that didn’t show them what they wanted they said “Well this machine is old, let me go grab the newer one”. Then the nurse would come back with a doctor or two to confirm that they baby’s heart had stopped beating. We should have known that they wouldn’t be using a Doppler that acts up. Or a really old and fuzzy ultrasound machine. But we couldn’t let our hearts break that early. I myself had the nerve to ask “Will they be able to tell me the sex?” Of course they already knew he was dead. And Jenn and I sat in our own little cushioned world where bad things don’t happen.
By the end of the evening there were only four of us left and we continued to sit at that table talking things over. The stories that other people don’t understand, and don’t understand why we need to share them We have to share our stories. It is the only part of our children we can share.
Thank you Nicole for the wonderful evening. Getting to meet you and give you a hug was wonderful. I’m sorry I got to meet all of these wonderful women for the reasons we met, but I am so glad to know them.