New Year, New Dreams

On New Years Eve we were having a conversation of the best and worst things of 2009. The worst would be Chris’s Dad and Step-mom getting diagnosed with cancer.

When thinking about the bests, we had a little tougher of a time. Chris’s Dad being much MUCH better is a good one. But you know what really thrilled Lyz and I?? We didn’t kill any babies in 2009. It has been several years since we could say that.

That being said, for Jenn and I, this is THE year. At the end of this year I will either be pregnant, we will be in the full swing of adoption, or we are going to be happy being the worlds best aunties. It feels so good to have a line drawn in the sand. To know that there is an end to all of this craziness that is the struggle to have a child.

Over the past few weeks several of my favorite blogs have gone into hibernation. The stress and sadness of the ttc blog world has bogged them down and they needed to walk away from it all. And to be honest, I totally understand their point of view. Do I miss them terribly?? Absolutely. We are a rare breed. Those of us who have been out here working towards the goal of a baby, at home, alive in a crib, for several years, but still empty armed. We have watched so many women struggle, get bad test results, get that all elusive positive pee stick just to lose their dreams again, and all of the wonderful women who now have their dream at home with them. There are couples out there who were just starting to try when I joined the blogosphere in 2008 that are currently discussing having baby number two.

I do not begrudge these women in the least!! I am so happy for them. I am so thankful that they do not have to feel the pain and pressure that those of us who still have empty arms feel every day. The pressure to get it right, the pressure around our hearts that feels like it will implode us. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like we babyless few do feel.

I do not see me every walking away from this blog though. It has become my journal. In 2009 we only tried two cycles. That didn’t stop me from having 160 posts. I have a life outside of trying to be a mommy. And you know what, it is a pretty damn good one if you ask me. I am surrounded by people who love me, not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am. And if it is at all possible, I love them more.

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8 thoughts on “New Year, New Dreams

  1. I like reading what yout talk about, what you do in your life.

    And I’m sorry Heidi. You and Jen will make amazing parents. I will keep being hopeful that there is a baby that is going to make their way to you, and it will be this year.

  2. I hope that this is your year, too! It is good to know that there is an end– and a happy one, no matter what, to this madness. Your posts are always great to read, and I am sure that you will be so glad to have preserved this journey for posterity.
    Here’s to getting what you wantin 2010!

  3. I hope this year is your year. I hope not to walk away from my blog either but right now all my energy is getting up in the morning and accepting the fact that my arms will have to be filled in another way

  4. I have often been really impressed with how you have been able to do so much non-TTC-related blogging. For me, that is the real challenge. Trying to find a way to see the other things as important, and to talk about them and think about them in a way that makes them more interesting. Its one of my challenges of 2010.

    I am looking forward to seeing what 2010 has in store for you. I am convinced that it will be a wonderful year. You guys deserve it! And which ever children are in your life at the end of it all, will be lucky lucky kids– children of your own, and neices/nephews.

    happy new year and hugs from here…

  5. Don’t you ever stop blogging! You and Jenn do have a wonderful life, surrounded by wonderful people who support everything you do, and you have lots more in cyberland who are there for you every single day. It IS your year! (And it’s the year I’m coming to visit you! :-P)

  6. You are amazing, Heidi, and an inspiration. I so hope 2010 brings you what you and Jenn so deserve. ❤

  7. I just want to give you a big, fat hug right now.

    You and Jenn are wonderful people and have so much to offer as parents. You are already great aunties, you will be great mommies as well.

    2010 is your year!

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