On New Years Eve we were having a conversation of the best and worst things of 2009. The worst would be Chris’s Dad and Step-mom getting diagnosed with cancer.
When thinking about the bests, we had a little tougher of a time. Chris’s Dad being much MUCH better is a good one. But you know what really thrilled Lyz and I?? We didn’t kill any babies in 2009. It has been several years since we could say that.
That being said, for Jenn and I, this is THE year. At the end of this year I will either be pregnant, we will be in the full swing of adoption, or we are going to be happy being the worlds best aunties. It feels so good to have a line drawn in the sand. To know that there is an end to all of this craziness that is the struggle to have a child.
Over the past few weeks several of my favorite blogs have gone into hibernation. The stress and sadness of the ttc blog world has bogged them down and they needed to walk away from it all. And to be honest, I totally understand their point of view. Do I miss them terribly?? Absolutely. We are a rare breed. Those of us who have been out here working towards the goal of a baby, at home, alive in a crib, for several years, but still empty armed. We have watched so many women struggle, get bad test results, get that all elusive positive pee stick just to lose their dreams again, and all of the wonderful women who now have their dream at home with them. There are couples out there who were just starting to try when I joined the blogosphere in 2008 that are currently discussing having baby number two.
I do not begrudge these women in the least!! I am so happy for them. I am so thankful that they do not have to feel the pain and pressure that those of us who still have empty arms feel every day. The pressure to get it right, the pressure around our hearts that feels like it will implode us. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like we babyless few do feel.
I do not see me every walking away from this blog though. It has become my journal. In 2009 we only tried two cycles. That didn’t stop me from having 160 posts. I have a life outside of trying to be a mommy. And you know what, it is a pretty damn good one if you ask me. I am surrounded by people who love me, not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am. And if it is at all possible, I love them more.