Cycle day 2. How the hell did that happen??
In all the trials and tribulations of TTCing, I was always good at two things. Progesterone and a good long luteal phase. I rocked them out! I always had a progesterone level in the 30’s on 7dpo. I always had an lp of 14-15 days. I even used some leftover pio shots this cycle just to be sure that all was well. Nope.
I shouldn’t have let yesterday’s post happen. I had written it Tuesday evening. Late that night I went to the bathroom and found spotting. I let myself get all excited…hopeful. Around 3am I went to the bathroom to find full red bleeding. But, to be honest, I wanted to hear happy thoughts. I wanted to read good comments of hope and positivity and ya know, rainbows and unicorns. So I let it post. I’m sorry for the semi-trickery.
Maybe it was never hope that I had in my heart, but denial. Denial of the fact that my body just isn’t going to be the body that makes my dreams come true. Denial of that which I spent my whole life thinking was just a given. Women get pregnant…they have babies…they go on. I am going on. Where am I going? I certainly don’t know.
Crazy is certainly an option.