This was supposed to be another month of not trying. It just seems silly to spend all that money on swimmers when it just doesn’t seemed destined to work out. We had decided to just forget me ever being and staying pregnant and move our hearts forward towards adoption. I had started the mourning process in my heart. I will never give birth to a child that takes even one breath, and that is okay because we will try for adoption, and even if that fails I know that we are great aunties to Avery and Delaney.
Then, the strangest thing happened. Out of the sky fell a Known Donor. It was an opportunity that we just couldn’t pass up. It has been a complete shot in the dark. I didn’t want to be to open and upfront about it here because, as usual, I have no faith what-so-ever that this is going to work. I did add it to the TTC Timeline page, so that I wouldn’t feel like a blatant liar.
But, now that I am 8dpo…those little sparks of hope have started to flicker. Maybe this could have worked? Maybe we will get pregnant??? Maybe, just maybe, we could stay pregnant for the prescribed 40 weeks? No, I still don’t have much hope of it. But I’m totally okay with that, because, as I mentioned it above, I’ve already mourned the idea of pregnancy. If it actually does happen…BONUS!!!
In our house there are no tests that I am willing to pee on. Yes, there are two digitals in a never opened box…but I hate seeing the words NOT PREGNANT, so they would never be used unless I was already sure I am pregnant. And there is a baggie with about 30 of those crappy internet cheapies…but they give Jenn positives, so I refuse to use them and get my hopes up. So…it will be awhile before I actually test.
I’m feeling rather okay with whatever result may come our way. KD is totally willing to try again, but I’m not sure that Jenn and I are. I think (I’m not 100% sure) that this is it. The last try. Unless Jenn gets some awesome job that covers IVF or something.
Maybe I should start petitioning CLAD to include infertility insurance for their employees at the tree farm?